My Favourite Nightmare
by Seven secrets
Summary: Before he was The Dark Lord, before he was bent on Power, before all that he was a student, he went to Hogwarts and he was Tom and his stony heart that held something for Bellatrix Black, it may have been born out of Jealousy, Lust, Anger or whatever...
1. The before time

Before there he was The Dark Lord, before he was bent on Power, before all that he was a student, he went to Hogwarts and he was Tom.

He was Tom, the same Power hungry man he had always and will always be, but things were different then.

He was different, there was a place in his stony heart that held something for Bellatrix Black, it may have been born out of Jealousy, Lust, Anger or whatever his feelings for her were.

But there was a place for her, it was in a time where he could like her, where she might not have loved him and where there always seemed to be a middle guy.

But all in all Tom riddle was once Tom, Bellatrix Black was once Bella, and Hogwarts was once just a school.


	2. Use somebody

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Harry Potter Characters.

She walked hastily down the twilight corridors of the dungeon, or was it even that time of the day, she wasn't sure, she just wanted to leave, to get back to her dorm as quickly as possible, she could hear his footsteps coming closer towards her but continued on.

She couldn't deal with it, she couldn't deal with him, it was too much.

"Bella. Bella." He chanted as his steps grew louder, it was past curfew but neither of the two cared, his cold hand wrapped itself around her wrist, she tried to shake it off but his grip was too strong.

She continued walking not even turning to face him, she couldn't look at him, at the eyes that had promised her the world but only left her with a sip of the fine champagne she had been promised.

He tugged hard on her slender wrist, casing her to let out a small whimper of pain, he turned her towards him, his cold fingers gentle caressing her cheek.

She so desperately wanted to spite at him, to yell at him, to hex him, to hate him more then she already did, but she didn't, she couldn't instead she just looked at his pale hands.

"Tom please." She said jerking her hands away from his grip, but it hadn't softened, he hadn't left and she was still there.

"Bella, what have I told about doing that, I might not be able to control myself this time." He said, his eyes searching her's, it wasn't an empty threat it was loaded to the brim, but that didn't mean that Bella was just going to roll over.

She looked down at her bare feet, she was still in her Slytherin robes but the chilly feeling of Tom's touch out did them to the full extent, it was as though he was doing it on purpose, punishing her for a crime she did not commit.

She was silent, unmoving barely daring to breath, her gaze still feel onto her feet, as she wriggled her toes.

She heard him let out a breathy chuckle, it was barely above that of a whisper, but was audible no the less.

His hands fell from her soft cheeks, and landed onto her waist drawing her into his embrace, he rested his chin of the top of her head, it was as though he was claming her as his own, but not to everyone else, no to the prying public eye, he was Tom, she was Bellatrix, there was no way of knowing the two of them were an item, even Bella at times wasn't sure.

Tom had gone out with many other girls, flings he called them, one nighters he said, but not once had he said he would stop, not once had he said she was the only one.

Because it was a lie, she wasn't the only one, she wasn't his perfect, but she was his, she was his property, the words flew through her mind.

She hated him, she loathed him with every fibre of her being, he knew it, she knew but she stayed with him, not out of love or pity or any sympathetic emotions at all, she stayed with him out of shear fear.

It was common knowledge that Tom Riddle was dangerous, handsome, perhaps charming, but all in all dangerous.

Maybe that was the reason the game had started, Bellatrix Black, was his target, he had her in his reach, he could have moved on, he could have left, but he kept her still, because she was his.

Nobody else's, because nobody else had touched her, because it was a silent rule that nobody else was allowed to touch her.

"Tom I'm tired." She said quietly, she wasn't released from his grip though.

He stayed still his embrace was tight, she could barely breath, any air that came through was tainted with his scent.

Bella had a feeling he was going this on purpose, those were the rules, she had to take whatever he through at her, part of the rules of the game was Bella could only be his, she couldn't date, even though to everyone else she was single, she couldn't flirt even though it was normal, she could be anyone's but his.

"Tom please, I would never do anything to hurt you, please Tom I'm tired." She whispered into his chest, she knew what she had to do, she knew that if she didn't he would let her suffocate, "I love you." She said her voice still muffled by his shirt still rang clear.

He released her, looking down at her, he was a good head taller then her, his dark eyes judging her, with the harsh words, he would let fall, every night.

She felt light headed from lack of oxygen, but stood her ground, her eyes staring up at him, a smirk played on his ghostly pale face.

"Goodnight Bellatrix." He said before giving her a small kiss on the head, the way he said it would have seemed final, the way his eyes judged her would have seemed like the game was over.

But this was Tom's game and Bella had to follow the rules.

She walked lightly down towards the staircases, the pictures blinked at her, as though they were surprised, they had seen Bella every night, sometimes earlier rather then later, but she would always walk down the same stairs, in the same way.

Each time they looked surprised, probably because they were shocked she was still alive, from a young age the game had begun.

**_At first she would skip down the stairs of Hogwarts merrily, thinking about the way Tom dismissed the ditzy girls he had snogged, the way he seemed to have his eyes set on her, the way that their relationship, though secret, made was so important to him._**

**_At first she refused to date others because it made her feel guilty, even the thought of doing that to Tom, the boy who had told her how much he loved her, compared to him the other boys at the school simply paled in comparison._**

**_But then he continued to cheat, he continued to break the rules of his own game, and each night she would come back less jolly, less happy, less thrilled._**

**_He would still lie, he would still tell her she was the one, he would tell her a lot of things but not once had he shown it, not once had he cared, not when they were with others._**

**_And then one day, something had changed, Bella was merely talking to the boy, odd as it may seem she had forgotten his name, though he played an important part in her relationship._**

**_She remembered how furious Tom had been, how his already dark eyes turned into a midnight black, she remembered the __way__ he pined her down on the wall with such force, the way he his tight grip left bruises on her fore arms, their was no love, there was only hate, he spat out his harsh words in her face, each sentences telling her how she wasn't good enough for him, how she wouldn't be good enough for anyone._**

**_The way his fingers clawed at her back, as she struggled to hold back the screams that were at the tip of her tongue, how she managed to let out the silent tears._**

**_The way he sneered at her with disgust; she thought that was it she thought he had left her for good, but he was like a virus, she couldn't get him to leave._**

**_He came back to her the next day, he held her, she kissed her bruises, he told her he loved her, he told her it wouldn't happen again._**

**_He lied._**

It was probably the biggest lie in their relationship.

She held a thin smile as she walked past the pictures towards the dungeons, the common room was empty, she walked easily through the room, and over to her dorm.

She wasn't sure how long she would have to sleep, but it was what she craved, what she longed for, what she wanted and needed, it was a place where Tom Riddle couldn't get to her, where she was Bella and he wasn't there.

The warm blankets enveloped her into the soft and warm hug, she could feel his phantom fingers bruising her arms, but she ignored it, preferring to drift into the land of dreams.


	3. Fire and Rain

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Harry Potter Characters.

She woke up relatively early the next day, her heart beating as a sign she was still alive, she could her the hum of her dorm mates as they slept.

It was a Saturday, so she was allowed to wear her home clothes, she wore a purple summer dress that reach just above her knees, the smell of freshly mowed grass filled her nostrils, how she had come to hate that smell, _**he **_had that smell, among other things that she had taken a disliking too, but that was simply coincidence.

She had her think wavy brown hair, pulled back into a clean pony tail, she knew he preferred it down but, to her it looked better up.

The stairs down to the common room where clear, but that wasn't always the best sign, she could hear the crackle of the fire place, she could see the green light it formed around the room, even from the base of the staircase.

She had come to loath that fire place, because like her it was _**his **_it was his well known trade make, Tom Riddle and fire places.

She closed her eyes, before walking into the room, doing her best to calm herself.

_**One, this is so stupid.**_

_**Two, its not going to work.**_

_**Three, your wasting your time.**_

_**Four, do you feel any calmer.**_

_**Five, It won't work.**_

_**Six, for Merlin's sake women. Seven, he'll be there and you're going to get angry.**_

_**Eight, Stop with the counting! **_

_**Nine, Can you hear me?**_

_**Ten, told you. **_

There he was, as expected by his fire place, looking deep into the flames, like something interesting was going to happen.

His back was turned to her, but Bellatrix still felt as though he could see her, hear her heat beat increase, feel her palms getting sweaty. Hate.

She attempted leaving the room unnoticed, but as usual her Bella radar gave her away.

"Bella." He said quietly, looking down at the flames as though he was confessing, as though he was telling it the names of all the people he had wronged, and she was the last and final one.

But that wasn't the way he worked, the way he was wired, he either knew you or he didn't, both had its Pro's and Con's, because if he didn't know you it would be easier for him to kill you, if he did you were bond, he would know your family, your whole life, you were in danger, I can see which one appeals to you most, but maybe it was better, having him know you.

"Tom." She said. He motioned for her to come forward, to stand by his side, she knew hesitation was not an option so she walked over to him.

He glanced at her, taking in her whole appearance, searching for something he didn't like, something he could perfect, something that he hated.

"That dress a bit to short dear?" He asked taking a look at her legs, she cringed at the tone in his voice, knowing that no matter how hard she tried it was impossible for him to find something in her that didn't need perfecting.

"I rather like it, the tailor made it with the best of his abilities Tom…"

"I don't doubt he didn't, it's a pity it was wasted on you then isn't it, my dead." He spat, she knew this wasn't the bomb, this was like the stone you through into a hole to see how deep it is.

"If I'm such a waste, why stay with me Tom, I'm sure one of your ditzy little one nighters would love to be in my place." She mumbled a bit too loudly, Tom looked at her, his eyes darkening the way they did the first time he hit her.

She flinched at the memory, remembering the way she had struggled to get back into the dungeons because of her back pains; she moved back, watching her boyfriend with caution as he strode towards her, his fists clenched.

Her eyes widened with fear, for a moment she thought she had seen him look down at her with pity, but there was no mistaking the blackness of his eyes, the way his chest rose and feel.

"I…I, Tom, stop please, Tom, please don't…" she trailed off when she felt the cold brick wall pressed on her back.

He sent her a thins smile, he had his hands either side of her head, she wanted to scream, but the look on his face, paralysed her on the spot, she was like a dear caught in the headlights, she could feel his hot breath on her face.

His fists still clenched, he looked down at her, she felt all the blood leave her face, "Bella, I told you not to try my patience. Bella when will you leave, I only do this to teach you, I don't want to hurt you Bella," that was a flat out lie "but when you anger me so, I have to. Remember my dear, I do this for you…" He looked into her eyes, dark against dark.

"Please Tom, don't please, Tom, let me go, please let me go, Tom please, I'm sorry please don't do this…" He silenced her with a soft kiss on the lips, if she didn't know what he was capable of she would have thought it was love, she would have thought it was tender, gentle… nice.

But that wasn't Tom, he didn't get to be to people, he didn't get to be the nice guy, that wasn't how it worked, Rupunzel didn't get put into the tower because she was naughty to the baby sitter, that wasn't how it worked.

Bella wanted to cling onto him if only to distract him, to let herself think of something, but then her prayers were answered.

In walked a first year girl, she had ginger hair, that was cut into a short bob that didn't flatter her at all, she was in uniform.

Tom seemed to have heard her entering as he moved to stand next to Bella, his arm draped casually over her shoulders, the girl stared at them before moving to sit at the sofa, putting her small book onto the table.

"Tom, I need to go to the library." Bellatrix said, loudly enough so the girl could hear without it being to obvious.

"Oh, I'll come with you." Tom said watching her carefully, silently telling her that she wasn't going to loose him that easily.

She nodded, once before walking towards the direction of the Library, passing the moving staircase on the way; she remembered when she and Tom would sit down on them and talk, just talk.

She couldn't get into the room fast enough, Tom was walking behind her calmly, it was quite irritating really, how he so easily managed to get her, why she pushed so hard to avoid him.

She hadn't been watching where she was going, she was too busy listing the things she hated about him.

Her body collided with that of Lucius Malfoy, she was certain she would fall to the ground, that she would hit her head, but she felt his strong hands catching her.

He smelt of… well he didn't smell like Tom, the only thing that linked their sent was the smell all men carried around with them.

She looked up at him, her dark eyes scaling his body, from his silver eyes to his warm skin, to the blonde of his hair, to the colour of his shoe laces.

He was nothing like Tom, they were like polar opposites, from their looks at least, which so far was good enough for Bella.

He steadied her onto the ground, she was well aware Tom was there, watching them or more likely watching her.

She didn't turn to look at him, she could already imagine his scary calm face.

"Thanks Lucius, I'm Bellatrix, but you can call me Bella." She said smiling at him, very few people were allowed to call her Bella, but she would make an exception for Malfoy.

He smirked, "I know who you are… Bella, who doesn't, the Slytherin princess." She rolled her eyes, still smiling carefully at him, making sure not too look at Tom though, it was a life threatening game she was playing, and Lucius was unknowingly dealing himself into the game of life poker.

"C'mon Bella, we need all the library time we can get." He said in a calm voice from behind her, she could imagine by the look on Lucius' face Tom was sending him a threatening glare.

She sighed and turned on her hell, continuing her walk towards the Library, Tom slung his arm around her shoulder, applying as much pressure as he could.

"Bella dear, this is a very dangerous game your playing." He whispered into her right ear.

"I know." She said quietly, more to herself then to him as they walked down the halls.

The journey towards the Library was spent in silence after that.

Neither of the two said anything to the other, both out of pride, one out of fear and the other out of arrogance.

They took the table at the back of the Library, in the most secluded corner.

"Its come to my attention Bella that you seem to be distancing yourself an awful lot from me, is there a reason?" He asked innocently.

He knew the reason, that was why he was smiling, he knew Bellatrix wouldn't say it out loud, he knew he had the power in the situation, and he loved it.

"Have I? I'm awfully sorry Tom." She said, she could lie too.

He only smirked at her, "You know how it upsets me when your not happy Bella, I know your not happy."

"No, no, I'm perfectly happy, but the bruises still ache." She said faux innocents evidence in only her eyes.

He glared down at her, "But Lucius, was that his name, he seemed to make those bruises feel a lot better, did he not Bellatrix."

It was always a bad sign when he used her full name, it spelt out the word RUN when he said it like that.

"I'm not sure what you mean Tom, if your accusing _**me **_of cheating, I assure you I'm not," She said shaking her head making her pony tail shake behind her.

Tom's eyes were focused on her swishing ponytail, he stood from his velvet chair to stand behind her.

She could feel him stroking her hair, "Bella, why do you put your hair up, you know I like it down," Now she knew what he was doing, "You must have forgotten my dear, no matter I shall help you." He said in a soft voice.

He pulled down hard on the hair, his other hand covering Bellatrix's mouth to prevent her from screaming.

He griped down with such strength Bella feared he would pull her hair out, her back was arching as though she was doing the limbo, Tom covered her mouth harder with his strong hard, as her screams were getting louder.

It felt like an eternity before he let go and realised her, she let out sigh of relief, blinking back the tears that were attempting to fall.

She could picture the satisfied grin that was spread across his handsome features.

"Tom…" She murmured her voice feeling choked.

He simple place a small kiss on the top of her head, her hair band landed on the table in front of her, "Much better."


	4. Water works

Mentally and physically ill, those were the words I would use to describe my feelings as I watched the satisfied grin, spread across his face, he was enjoying this, he was enjoying this far too much for my liking.

I felt like always the urge to lunge at him, to make him feel the pain he made me feel, but instead I simply sat, though the pain that was coursing its way through my body, I feel as though the hatred, that I felt for Tom Riddle wasn't enough to describe how I felt now, I can't describe it in many words, it's a feeling, like a colour or a sound, it's the kind of painting that would have black swirls, and red lines, and green mixed into it, it's the kind of noise, a cat makes when its upset, the kind of sound a funeral makes, the kind of feeling that's like, he's crushing my heart into his fist, like I could never see, its more than hate, or loathing.

"Bella, are you alright?" Tom asked as I got up from my seat and turned to him with dead eyes.

"Yes, Thomas, I am fine, if you'll excuse me I think I'll get some fresh air." My voice had become some what of a monotone.

I turned to walk away, when I felt a cool hand grip my wrist spinning me towards them, "Bella, your not leaving so soon are you?" Tom asked as he held arms me length, so he could watch my reaction, I turned to walk away again, but his grip only tightened, "Bella do you forgive me? I only do those things for you." He said in his sick version of sweetness, I knew what was coming next, and I knew I wouldn't be able to fight it.

He pulled me further into the corner, my aching back came into contact with the wall, my breath hitched despite my efforts as he moved closer to me.

"Not now Tom, please, later Tom." I said turning my head in the direction of the door, so I wouldn't have to look at him, but his cold hand pulled my chin back to face him, and stayed there.

"Bella, you're mine, where ever, when ever I want. You know you want me too, you may try and say you don't but you'll always be mine." He whispered into my ear, as he pushed his body closer to mine jamming me in between him and to hard stone wall, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, I knew he could feel it too.

"Tom, not now, I… I need some fresh air…" I replied as his hands moved down to her waist.

"Bella, some times I wish, I could just say," he looked into her eyes, his darkening, his breath warm on my flushed face, our lips just inches apart, "… Silencio…" He breathed.

I felt her heart flutter as he leaned in closer to me, his lips almost coming into contact with mine, heart raced inside in my chest, eyes closing.

"Tom…" I whispered, in spite of myself as I felt all my resistance plummeting into the wooden floor boards, it was what he did, what he always does, like a moth to a flame, only knowing it would get burnt.

I didn't miss the small smile that stretched across his lips, as he came to a halt a hairs breath from my lips, he straightened, his hands loosely holding onto my waist.

"Do you want me to kiss you Bella? To hold you like this?" He pushed our bodies back into their previous positions, holding me tightly to him, our lips so close again, I didn't have time to snap out of my daze, "Do you want me to kiss you Bella?" He asked again, his lips moved even closer, but I still couldn't feel his on mine, I remained silent, "Do you forgive me Bella?" He asked as his lips finally came into contact with mine, his grip not as tight as I would have wanted it to be, his kiss not as firm as I needed it to be, not lasting as long as it should have.

I knew what he wanted me to do, he wanted me to forgive him, to answer him, to ask him, "I… I'm going to get some fresh air." I said, keeping my voice as strong as I could.

I didn't wait for his reply, instead I eased myself out of his, and continued walking, from the dark corner of the library in which I had received my latest punishment.

I walked with silent footsteps, each one a small milestone, I wanted to leave him, to end this tedious one way relationship, but I couldn't bring myself to, I don't think I have the will to even attempt, it wasn't from lack of trying, I had tried, but it was him, everything about him, from his hair, to his grin, to his eyes, to his strong arms, to that freshly cut grass scent, he was the walking version of Marmite.

The Librarian looked up when I walked past her, but I did not meet her gaze instead I continued on my walk, I needed to stretch my muscles, to work of the pain he had caused me, when I usually did this I went swimming, in the lake, I hadn't told anyone about this, though I suspected the paintings knew.

While the other students had gone off to fill their faces with chocolate frogs and every flavour beans, the sky shone brightly on Hogwarts, there were a few others who did not go on the trip but, I didn't know them.

I walked across the grounds, my nostrils once again assaulted by the smell, birds and other insects found somewhat alluring, the trees were still a healthy green, though it was September.

The water was silent in the lake, unmoving, untouched, I suppose you could think of it as pure, or innocent, in its own little bubble, I liked being there for that reason, I liked being in my own little bubble, just me and the water.

I didn't have a change of clothes, just the knee length purple dress, I moved closer to the edge, bending down so my fingers could touch it, the movement caused a silent ripple pulse to flow through it.

I stood straight, and eased off my shoes deciding to swim in my clothes it felt in some way comforting having the smooth blades of grass, on my feet, I wriggled my toes.

'_**If mother could see you now'**_ the voice in the back of my head spoke, I wanted to laugh, though I knew it would only cause my head more pain; I imagined the look on her face, the scowl that would cross her beautiful but cold features, as she told me how much I disgraced the family.

I moved even closer, letting my legs plunge into the deep water, the loch warm temperature wrapped its long fingers around them quickly, "here goes." I said as I slide in.

I opened my eyes, feeling my hair move swirl around me like a mess of ebony brown, a school of tiny fish, moved quickly around me, I could feel their fins hitting my body, as they tried to avoid my movement, I swam in deeper, feeling the rough seaweed flick my ankles, I shivered, it was colder the further down I went, but that was just common knowledge.

The bright shimmering light, of the surface, dimmed down, but I wasn't afraid, I wasn't even in that deep, I could hold my breath for a long time, and I most certainly wasn't ready to return just yet.

But even the water couldn't block out my thoughts of him, he was everywhere, and he was right, which made everything so wrong, I couldn't leave him, or stop thinking of him, because I was always comparing everything to him.

He was like some sort of Virus or plague, contaminating everyone and everything I know, tainting it all, and their was nothing I could do.

I swam back up, feeling the scaly fins of the fish as they moved around me.

"Taking a swim, Bellatrix?" I knew that voice, I was irritated by that voice and thanks to some horrendous twist in fate I was related to it.

I looked up to see my dark haired younger cousin (and the only Black ever to be in Gryffindor) swinging my shoes on his fingers, a smug and wide grin spread across his face, "No, Sirius, I tripped and fell into a magical fountain, now is there a reason why you have decided to come and pollute the silent air I was hearing, or have you taken up watching girls swim, as a new hobby?" I said resting my head on my arms, whist watching him.

He laughed, "Now, now, Bella, we mustn't snap now must we, what would your mother say if she saw, you now?" I rolled my eyes, "Anyway, the reason, I'm here is to tell you, that my father, had recently told me, in his last letter asking how _**my time at Hogwarts was**_, and how my _**many**_ friends were…"

"Your point, Sirius?" I snapped again.

He smirked, "Well he just mentioned, that you'll be receiving a letter soon, about… what was it again, oh yes, your future husband… I think that was it, anyway, cheerio." He said as he attempted to walk away.

"Sirius…" I warned, he huffed slightly, and turned around to pull me out of the pond, I stuck my hand up for him to take, as I raised an eyebrow at him, he let out a small sigh.

He tried turning again, "Sirius Black, if you don't stop turning around and tell me what you know, so I help me I will…" I began.

"Ok, Ok, all I know is he has this list, you see of all the people he has thought of to arrange a marriage with you. Don't ask who, because I really didn't care enough to check, and I don't think it was in the letter anyway, so it will probably be in your letter tonight. He said, this time staying still, "So, I guess this is goodbye until the holidays." He said waiting for me to answer I silent, and waved him off, with my right hand, I could hear the eye roll and grin spread across his face.

Shoes in hand, I began walking bare foot, towards the dungeons, my hair dripping wet, dress clinging to my body, I didn't even bother to use a drying spell, I was still in a daze, and the looks the portraits were giving me, didn't help my mood at all.

I walked straight into my dorm room, expecting to be able to just worry, and change, but a note on the wooden door told me I had other plans arranged, I turned on my heel, heading towards the boys dorm.

"Bella…, it nice to see you again, you look… um, different." Lucius Malfoy stood on the top steps, in this school robes, his silver eyes, racking over my body.

"I suppose, I do, anyway, I um, better get going…"

"Where to? This is the boys dormitories, so what would you be doing here? Apart, from having a nice chat, with me in my wonderful company." He said with a smug smile, I wanted to roll my eyes at him.

"Actually, as lovely as your wonderful company is, I'm here to see someone else, so if you'll excuse me." I said moving forwards, to walk around him, he winked at me, but stood aside to let me pass.

"It's a pity." He yelled after me a chuckle evident in his calm, oblivious voice, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, but it quickly disappeared when I came closer to Tom's room.

I knocked once, before walking into the emerald green room, my eyes scanning the room, in search for the dark haired boy who had called me over.

"Tom? Tom… you called me up, it's me Bellatrix. Tom? Tom? I have some important news to tell you, it's about…" I stopped short when I felt a pair, of cool arms, wrap themselves around my body, and hold me close to them.

"Yes, Bella, what news have you got for me?" He asked, nuzzling his head, into my neck, "Why are you wet?" He asked, though it was only half-hearted.

"I tripped and fell into a magical fountain." I said simply, I felt him nod against my skin, I had to tell him, if I didn't and he found out something bad would happen, something very, very bad, "Sirius," I paused Tom, didn't like Sirius, "told me, about some news he got from his father," I waited for him to interrupt me but he didn't instead he just held me to him, his scent rubbing off on me, I wanted to wince, "Apparently, tonight, or in the next few days, my father will send me a list, of um… men, from this school or from others, but Wizards of course, that he um, wants… err thinks, are suitable for, me to err, you know…." I paused, "Marry."

He tensed, around me, his head had stopped nuzzling into my neck-though I was happy about that-he began to straighten up, his arms still firmly wrapped around me.

"And you knew about this?" he said, in that eerie tone he used, when our punishments, and by our, I meant mine, began.

I shook my head, "No, I… I only found out today, after…"

"After what?" He asked, I knew I would pay for my ignorance.

"After, I went, swimming, in the… in the pond, and Sirius, came, and he, told me, I asked what else he knew, but he said that was it." I said, my voice becoming higher, as I felt fear pulse through me, as his grip tightened even more. "Tom? Tom. Your hurting me." I said as I tired to no avail to get out of his relentless grip.

"You hurt me first." He whispered back, I froze.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

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	5. I wish I was a Milipede

I could picture his dark eyes, turning a midnight black, but I didn't look up to see him.

I felt his arms leave my body, never in my life had I wished so badly that he would stay there, I turned in his direction, I felt the first strike across my cheek, it stung hard, I could hear it throbbing, he could have used his wand, he would soon enough but first he needed to hurt me, "You're mine Bella, nobody else's, I think it's time we made that clear." He spat.

I moved back, though I could see black spots in my vision, which would no doubt be gone soon enough, I didn't take my eyes off him, moving as far back as I could.

But I wasn't graceful enough, I felt a bed underneath my damp back as I feel back.

I tried to sit up quick enough to defend myself, but he had already had me pinned down by my fore arms.

I looked up at him, his eyes were dark and unreadable, I felt another strike across my face, and a hard pinch in my leg, I couldn't help the scream I let out.

"Be quiet! Just be quiet! This is your fault! Now STOP it Bella…trix." That scared me more than anything, Tom rarely ever called me Bellatrix, not even in most of his punishments, but their were exceptions, like when he had to mentions me to a professor, but those are formalities, but the worse times, were during the rare occasions, when it was our punishments, those ones always hurt the most.

He called me Bellatrix, the first time he hit me, he called me Bellatrix, when he thought I was cheating on him, and now he called me Bellatrix, that should scare anyone, but it wasn't happening to just anyone, it was happening to me.

"No. No. No! NO! Tom, Tom, please. I didn't know, I didn't. Please don't do this to me. Please… please." I yelled as I struggled under him, it wasn't the punches he swung at me, or the pinches or hex's he was throwing at me, it was the fact he was now ripping my clothes off me.

"Shut it! This is your fault Bellatrix, this is all your fault! I don't care if you didn't know before, you knew, you knew this would happen. Now, be quiet, this is your fault! It's your fault, all of this is your fault!" He yelled, it seemed more to himself then to me, this wasn't the first time I slept with Tom.

I struggled under him, pushing him off me, kicking, screaming, I felt the tears pour down my face, I didn't even try to stop them.

He hit me again, right in the chest, I felt the wind knock out of me, and my energy and resistance leave with it.

I closed my eyes, and stopped screaming, my tears still silent, "All your fault." Tom mumbled to himself, as he bit down hard onto my thigh.

I wanted to disappear, then and there, to just vanish, but I didn't know how to.

All I could do was take the pain, though it was killing me, here he was, the plague, contaminating every inch of everything I am, he was everywhere, and it was killing me, burning me.

He kept yelling at me, but I was too far into my own mind (trying to take refuge in the place had could not yet attack me in) to care, I imagined he had cast a silencing spell, already, but my cry's had long since died out; I wanted to be a millipede to curl up into a ball and roll away, but I couldn't it felt like I had in the emotional sense, but in the physical sense I was still very much here.

Then it all went away, though the burning still coursed through me, and no doubt my eyes were puffy, and red, that my hair was mattered, that I was scarred, and my face was flushed.

I didn't open my eyes, or make a noise, I wanted to die just then and there, he didn't say anything either, his yells had stopped, I could hear him putting his clothes back on.

"Get out." He said, I could feel him watching.

I tried to sit up but my body ached, and my mind was blank, I expected him to pick me up and perhaps throw me out of the room, or maybe to yell at me or hit me again.

I felt his cool hands lift my body and carry me bridal style, as he began walking.

I still didn't open my eyes, I barely used my other senses, I wanted to scream at him not to touch me, to stay away from me, but I couldn't my throat felt dry, my muscles limp.

I felt the cold wooden flooring under my feet as I was placed standing onto the floor, holding me up for a second before letting me stand on my own, but still my body wasn't strong enough to hold me up right, I felt my legs quake under me, as his cool hands eased me onto the floor, so I was in a sitting position, but soon I was alone with the sound of a closing door that made my heart beat faster in my chest, as a acknowledge he could come in at anytime, I didn't want to move, for this to be real, but I didn't want to stay like this, because it wasn't real, it wasn't my life the one I had planned, because eventually things have to turn out right in life, they just have to… they have to.

I waited for what felt like an hour before reality wretched its ugly head into my mind, and rationality told me I had to move, my legs felt weak like I was a new born dear walking for the first time, they took long, awkward strides towards the room I had known was the bathroom.

The walls were a glistening white, but in my mind it felt like onyx coloured ink was sliding down the walls, like they were moving closer towards me, I didn't have my wand, so I turned on the hot and cold water taps, not caring about their temperature just wanting for it to wash it all away.

I sat in watching the water pool around me, until it stopped at the brim of the tub.

I thought he was going to come back and do it again, I pulled my knee's back up to my chest, and moved closer to the corner, I felt the tears that I thought had long since dried out, begin to prickle and blur my vision, not bothering to blink them away, as I watched the door carefully.

I could still feel his cold hands on me, touching me, his voice blaring cold words into my ears, I whimpered so far into the corner, I would probably have a marble shaped ring running around my spine.

I didn't move, until I felt the water get considerably cold, but even then it was only to shudder, I felt the goose-bumps on my arms rise.

With a shaky hand that felt as though it did not belong to me, I reached up and grabbed the bar of soap that sat on the corner of the round shaped tub.

I dunked it into the water, and began, rubbing it vigorously over every inch of my body, the bare freshly cut flesh, stung as the soap washed over it, some bleeding into the water turning it a milky red.

I wanted him off me, I wanted to erase every possible inch of me that his tainted, and touched off of me, but I couldn't he was everywhere, and I couldn't clean him off, I was using his soap bar for Salazar's sake.

He was in my hair, his scent still intoxicating me, I dunked my head under the water, pulling at every strand, washing away every part of me, scrubbing it hard, it was like venom or fire was being poured into my blood.

I wouldn't allow myself to breath, not until every part of him was gone, I would leave the breaths I took when he was here, when he… did what he did under the water, the blood he tainted under the water, the germs he touched under the water, nothing of his, that touched me would leave this water.

And if I was his, neither would I.

I curled myself up into a tight ball, feeling all the air begin to leave me, as my body craved for more and devoured the one it had in large gulps.

I didn't open my eyes, to examine the worst of my injuries, it was safer that way, not knowing how bad he had hurt me, would mean I could deny he ever had.

Once my body had lost a significant amount of oxygen, I sat up feeling my heart pounding, and my vision blurring as the water stung the flesh marks, but I was too afraid to find their locations.

I couldn't hear anything from the other side of the door, which led to…. to his room, with the shaky legs of a new born Giraffe, I eased myself out of the safety of the warm water, goose bumps rising.

The floor was marble, and cold, but I didn't wince, I didn't make a single intentional noise, my hand gingerly reached for the handle, I wanted my clothes, I wanted to be warm, safe and out of here.

I pushed the door open, with little strength, there was nobody in the room, once I double checked this, my eyes began scanning the floor, for my dress.

I found it lain neatly on the bed, but I didn't approach it, not yet anyway, I was too frightened, that at some point, he would pop out, and hurt me even more.

It was five minutes before I walked up to it, my hands shaking, as I touched the smooth clean material, it didn't feel like it was mine anymore, it felt dirty, as though it belonged to someone else, like a leftover or scrap.

I slowly slide it over my head, no tears were leaving my eyes, I used a drying spell on my body and hair, before creeping over to the door.

The bell rung signalling it was dinner time, what fascinated me about the situation, was that he would come out it Scott free, he could joke and laugh with his friends and act like things were completely normal, and yet I Bellatrix Black, would remember it, I'd remember the pain he caused me, the words he yelled, the look in his eyes, every detail of it, and then I would remember, my begs and pleases for him not to, my tears that I had shed over what had happened, I'll wish I could move on and forget, but I won't.

I walked out of his room, barely noticing if there were others present in the common room, or in the corridors, my head was hung down slightly lower then it's usual high and mighty pose, my hair covered most of my face, and my fore arms, my cheeks felt hot, but most could just assume I was blushing.

I wanted everything to return to the way it was before this happened.

I took cover in the crowd of people trickling into the great hall, to decrease my chances of seeing him.

When I reached the Slytherin table, there were two options, I could sit as far away from his table as I could, but that would draw questions, that my voice was too hoarse to answer, or I could sit at my usual seat, which just so happened to be directly in front of his.

The latter despite it's close proximity, was the safest choice, I took my seat in the centre of the table, only one of my dorm mates, Lorraine Hart, was there, she had golden blonde hair that just reached her shoulders, she had green eyes, which she would always draw attention to, saying they were bright shade of emerald green when they simply looked ordinary in my opinion, and she was slightly taller then average; she greeted me with a warm smile, I returned it with a small one.

The other girl began taking their designated seats either side of me, as the boys slowly piled in.

Only three seats remained to be filled, the middle on belonged to him, and the other two to his favourite boys of the week.

A short young boy, slightly podgy to the seat to Tom's left, and a familiar platinum blonde, to his right, Lucius sent a wide grin in my direction, but I was too busy focusing on the empty plate to notice.

Then he came, sitting silently, his back straight, and eyes watching me carefully, but he did not speak to me, for that I was grateful, conversation moved quickly around us, but neither of us spoke, I looked up slightly to see him, he had his hands together, and was watching me with his dark eyes, which seemed to have soften slightly after what had happened.

The sudden hooting of an owl, made my head jerk up, I watched as my father's black messenger hawk swooped in, he only ever used Meyer for special messages.

I felt the others next to me stiffen with excitement at what the letter would be about, only a few other girls in our year had gotten their wedding letters, and it didn't seem to be such a pretty occasion.

I looked into the dark eyes of the boy in front of me, as he watched intently as Meyer in an attempt to get the attention of all the Slytherin students (which he succeeded in), flew around the hall, soaring high, into the enchanted ceiling, before landing on my shoulder with grace.

"Hello Meyer." I said quietly, but loud enough for the others to not think anything of it.

He nodded his head, I removed the white, red ribbon letter, that was attached to his foot.

Reaching into the middle of the table, I fetched him some small sandwiches, and put them on my plate for him to eat from, "Thank you, Meyer." I said quietly, as he tucked into the food.

I looked around to find all eyes, on me, but I didn't blush, I looked over to the Gryffindor table, to see my younger Slytherin cousin, smiling encouragingly at me from his seat between his friends I didn't care to know the names of.

I swallowed, and slowly in wrapped the message, I could feel the excitement bouncing off of some of the girls, but I felt nothing but nervous, this was the reason I got… got hurt, and this was the reason everyone was making such a fuss, I looked over to Tom, once to see his eyes watching the letter so intently it may have caught fire.

I looked down again, and straighten the letter in front so only I could see, the others would just have to wait through the suspense.

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**Your mother and I have picked the candidates we think are suitable for you to wed, you may pick out of the list who you would prefer to father your children, and we shall begin our preparations, you have until the end of the year, good luck dear, and give our regards to your professors.**_

This was it, now I would finally get a glimpse of my future.

_**Rodolphus Lestrange,**_

_**Samuel Scar,**_

_**Lucius Malfoy,**_

_**Aaron Norris,**_

_**Tom Riddle.**_

I couldn't hold in the gasp that fell from my lips, as I looked up at the two, boys in front of me, everyone stared at me as though it was now my cue to explain.

I looked down, to see Meyer eating one of his sandwiches as he patiently waited for me, I cleared my throat.

"Rodolphus Lestrange, Samuel Scar, Aaron Norris, Lucius Malfoy and Tom Riddle." I said whilst looking down at the paper, my voice shaking as I mentioned his name, my breathing staggering but I hid it well, I didn't need to look up, to know how shocked my classmates were.

I felt his eyes watching me carefully to see what I would do, but I didn't look at him, I didn't want to marry him, or be near him everyday of my life, I didn't want to have a husband who scared me, who wouldn't love me.

I know in some peoples eyes I was being picky, yesterday, I would have thought I was being picky, but I wasn't a bad person, I wasn't that bad anyway, so why shouldn't I want those things, for him, to want to love and hold me, and treasure me.

I picked up, Meyer, the letter and his sandwiches, and stood from the table, "I'm tired." I stated half-heartedly, I tried not to let the tears that were beginning to pool in my eyes effect my voice, I turned on my heel and began walking towards the dark wooden arched doors.

I could hear footsteps coming from behind me but I didn't want to see anyone, a hand came from my side, I almost screamed and flinched away from it.

"Hey, are you alright? I didn't mean to frighten you." I sighed with relief, when I realised it was Lucius, I nodded my head, "I guess we might be Husband and Wife pretty soon, I just want to let you know, I'm pretty good, and in return for getting to look at these guns," he said gesturing to his arms and flexing his muscles, I almost laughed, "I expect you, to look equally as good, and give it to me at least twice a week." I winced, and I could feel my face paling, he looked down at me again, "Hey, I was only joking, are you alright? I… didn't mean for you to feel, you know I was just."

I let out a humourless laugh, and sent him a weary smile, "Like I said before, I'm tired." I whispered, as Meyer's eye drifted into a glare as he watched Lucius, who smiled back, completely oblivious to the birds defensiveness, I inwardly smiled.

I walked past him, my dark hair swishing slightly.

I heard more footsteps, coming from behind me, "Lucius, I said I was t…" I tailed off when I turned to see who it was.

"We need to talk, about…" He said in his calm voice, I moved further away from him keeping a nice two metre distance between us.

"No, no we don't because, nothing happened." I said quietly, as Meyer finished the last of the sandwiches, and now had his head pointed sharply towards Tom, I felt my body burn with anger, and contrast to that shiver with fear.

"Bella." He sighed, moving closer, towards me.

"Stay away from me!" I screeched at him, as I moved further back.

"Bella, please…" he said as he continued closer towards me, his eyes connecting with mine for a small fraction of a second.

"Stop calling me that!" I said shouted shaking my head slightly as Meyer moved into a more predator like position on my shoulder.

"You need to listen B…, please?" He asked making his eyes soft, as he looked down at his shoes, '_**How dare he!'**_ I thought in my head.

"Since when does _**please**_, ever mean anything." I said as I moved further back, turning my head slightly so I could make sure didn't hit a wall.

"Bella…"

"**STOP CALLING ME THAT**!" I screamed, as I moved back, Meyer ready to pounce at any given moment, "What are you gonna do this time, hmm drown me, Salazar, Tom, I will never, ever let you hurt me again, ever, and I think this goes without saying but, I never want to speak to you again, ever again." I said more to myself, then to him.

"Is that a threat, my pretty?" He asked in his calm voice, he still hadn't taken his eyes off his shoes.

"No. That's a promise." I said turning away from him, Meyer now in the air, soaring through the air, above us, heading towards my dorm, I wasn't sure who full or empty the promise was, but seemed to mix well with the situation.

I felt a cold hand grip my wrist, and spin me around, I tried to pull away but was silenced by the firmness of their touch, "You don't mean that, because your My Bella, nobody else's, and you may say you don't love me, but you'll think of me everyday, and you'll miss me, and you'll want me."

I shook my head, "Goodbye Tom." I said pulling away from him, my body shaking, as I tried to keep my cool.

"Sweet dreams, Bella." He said as he placed a soft kiss on the top of my head, I pulled away, and began walking as fast as I could to my dorm room.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Harry Potter.**

******A penny for your review (metaphorically speaking)! **


	6. Tickled kisses

I dreamed about him again, about what had happened, every night that weekend, Mellissa Webb, had to wake me up, she was petite with silky black hair, golden brown skin, wide eyes, and soft pink lips, she screamed innocence and purity, but when it came down to it she was just as cunning as the rest of us.

I hadn't seen Tom, all day yesterday, it was as though he was nothing more then a figment of my imagination, but then Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner would roll around, and he would always be sitting in his seat, not once would he look at me though, he had begun speaking with Lorraine, they would laugh and joke with one another, but I didn't care, honestly I didn't mind one bit, nope, not one bit; though during this time Lucius who had become a regular member at our table, would send me silent smiles, and glance in my direction whenever I chose to I begin talking.

I woke up today panting, cold wet sweat soaked my night dress, my hair was ruffled, my throat dry, my eyes burnt with a mixture of tears and sweat, and my body shook from the cold, missing the comfort of the warm blanket.

I was now sat in the common room, watching the blazing green fire, as it began to slowly heat up the room.

I heard him sit down next to me, his silver eyes transfixed on the flickering source of light, "You're up early." I said quietly, so not to disturb the peacefulness of the room.

"So are you." He replied in a whisper, his silver eyes flicking back to me, I turned to him, eyes meeting as I watched his unique shade of iris, glimmer in the green light, they small light blue sun-shines, that seemed to sparkle against his pale white skin and healthy head of white blonde hair.

"Touché." I whispered back, causing him to chuckle lightly, as he laid back into the chair resting his head.

"So Miss Black, can I safely say, I have a chance in your hand in marriage?" He asked with a cheeky grin, spread across his smooth features, as he watched me through his parallel vision.

"Well that would be telling wouldn't it Mr Malfoy?" I grinned back.

"Exactly." He said smirking at his own clear superiority, I rolled my eyes, but smiled none the less.

"Well maybe you do have a tiny chance, I mean I hear Samuel Scar, is rather good looking, and rich too, but then again, I'm sure what ever he has Rodolphus can make up in other favours…" I teased.

"You've lost your magical given brain if you think those to are any competition to me." He said watching me as though I had completely lost hold of the plot, maybe I had.

"Well, there's no need to get all worked up about it, I mean, it's not as if, you can't take them on in, a fight, I'm just telling you my theory." I said innocently, but could not stop the corners of my lips from twitching upwards.

"Is that so?" He asked smiling mischievously at me.

"Uh huh." I smiled back.

Suddenly he was on me, his fingers tickling my waist, as I burst out laughing but that didn't stop it, he simply switched to much more sensitive spot, as his left hand tickled my neck, until I couldn't breath.

"Take it back." He laughed.

"N-ev-er" I gasped between laughs.

"I wonder the other side of your neck is as ticklish as this side." He said mischievously, his silver sunshine eyes, sparkling cheekily.

"You w-ou-l-d-n't." I panted again, but the look in his eye told me he would, "f-f-f-f- fine, I-take-I-t-b-b-ack-o-k" I panted, as his hands left me, and I glared at him between desperate breaths.

"So who has the lowest, chance?" He asked nonchalantly.

"You, if you keep asking!" I snapped sitting up, starring him down, like a child who was complaining about eating a snot flavoured every-flavour bean.

"Hmm, and that would be…"

"Bad." I finished off for him, as I began to get up from the green velvet couch.

"Where are you going?" He asked genuinely surprised.

"To get ready for school, if that's all right with you?" I smirked, he smiled at me again, his straight white teeth missing the signature spark and ting.

I walked back up to my dorm, the others were sleeping soundly in their beds, the soft sigh, of contentment floated through the air as some began stirring from the warmness of their dreams.

I open my trunk which was standing by the side of my bed, and pulled out my crease free school robes.

They felt warm and familiar on my still bruised body, but nobody ever commented on it, they would rather not be involved in whatever game Tom Riddle was playing, and if I was them I wouldn't either.

I brushed my hair hard, until all the knots and possible frizz, was none existent, letting the new soft waves tumble down my back, purely because I wanted my hair down, and not for any other reason.

I smoothed out my robe and cast a mint spell on my breath, it felt nice not having to worry about Tom, not being involved with him and his stupid ways, not having him touch me, and have his disgusting smell on me, sickening me.

I shared my room with Lucy Penning, who had short curl brown hair and plain brown eyes, and pale skin, Melissa and Lorraine, I crept towards the door trying to keep my steps quiet and soft, so not to wake them.

I opened and closed the door carefully, straightening my uniform once again.

My hair swished behind me as I walked down the girls dormitory staircase, getting closer and closer to the common room.

I could hear the sound of the blazing fire place as I neared it, and the hum of voices as I got closer.

I stood careful by the wall of the staircase, making sure I wasn't visible to whoever was talking, I wasn't eavesdropping per say, it was more like making sure it was safe to pass through.

"Wow. Your brilliant." I wasn't entirely sure who the voice belonged to but I knew it was a girl, "I really want to kiss you right now."

Now I was really confused, who was it?

I moved further out of the shadows, and walked into the common room, hoping who ever it was would pull apart so I could see their faces, I saw the blonde hair first, but their were quite a few girl with blonde hair so that didn't really narrow it down by much.

I looked harder, the girl as it would seem had whoever else was in the room up against the wall, and was full out snogging them, I cleared my throat loudly.

And the girl sighed, before reluctantly pulling away from her slightly dazed snogging partner.

That's when I got a good look at each of them, though I suppose I shouldn't be as surprised as I was, but still it was a bit of a shock.

"Oh Bella, great timing or what?" Lorraine giggled as though this was completely normal, but then again, '_**You left him, you left him for a good reason, why should you care what and what or rather who he was doing? Because of Lorraine, yes that's it, she's your friend, it's only natural for you to want to protect her. Tom Riddle is bad news. And the sooner she learns that the safer she'll be.' **_My mind makes perfect sense, "Tom and I were just, well you know." She said winking at me as she squeezed Tom's hand, as though they had been dating for years.

I smiled at her, I felt sorry for her really, she didn't know the things he was capable of or the things he'd done, how he would lie and say forever, how he would kiss and he loved you.

"I see." I said with as big of smile as I could produce, I was about to continue walking for the door when a voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Hello, Bella. You look nice today." He had spoken to me, after everything that happened on Saturday he spoke to me.

I turned and gave him a tight lipped smile, for Lorraine's sake not mine, because he wasn't part of my life anymore, he wasn't a part of me, and the sooner he realised that the better, besides maybe it would work out better for Lorraine then it ever had for me.

"Wait, Bella, Tom and I," '_**ugh again with the Tom and I, as though the relationship actually means something to him, as though it was serious did she not notice the danger she was in, I will not be part of it, nope, no way,' **_I let out a sigh, resisting the urge to shake my head at the naïve blonde in front of me, "were going to have a small picnic at lunch today, by, the um, by the… oh where was it, Tommy?" I almost snorted at her designated pet name.

"A little lake, or pond on the school grounds, it's wonderful this time of year, maybe we could go for a swim, there is a school of fish, under the water, but nothing harmful. I made sure of that." At this point I most definitely found the idea of lunging and him, and shoving freshly cut grass in his egotistical little mouth, then pushing him into the lovely lake _**he**_ discovered.

"No, if it's alright with you Lorraine, I'll pass." I said, addressing her and her only.

"Oh but Bella please, come you can bring anyone you want, it could be like a double date, or something like that. Just please come, I'll be your best friend." She said pouting slightly, Tom's gaze never drifted to her though, it still stayed on me.

"Maybe." She pouted even more, _**'You have to go, you have to protect her.' **_Or she could learn to protect herself. "Fine. Ok, I'll come, but only for a little while."

"Brilliant." she grinned smiling widely at _**Tommy, **_I smiled sarcastically at her.

"Well, Rae, maybe we should all walk to breakfast together, don't you think… dear." He said quietly, his hand only lightly gripping her's, not the way it held mine, he wasn't pulling her as closely as he used to pull me, '_**No, your doing exactly what he wants you to do, your thinking of him, and he's loving it.'**_ I was right, I wasn't sure how but something told me, Tom knew exactly what I was thinking, and when I thought of him it only increased his ego, and my chances of falling back into the same pattern.

"Sure, I'll be right back, I just need to get my wand, I stupidly left it on the table. Don't miss me too much." She called over her shoulder as she rushed out of the room, leaving me and Tom in awkward silence.

I moved further away from him, but once again my back came in contact with the wall, and all too soon he was there again, sandwiching me between the cold marble and him.

"I've missed you." he whispered in my ear, it tickled, causing him to smirk, "I know you've been thinking about me, I want you to know I'm sorry," He said, his eyes searching mine, but I made an effort to keep mine blank, I didn't try to push him off me though, I knew it would be pointless, "Bella, talk to me," he whispered again, as his hands moved to either side of my face, but I wasn't afraid, not that much anyway, Lorraine would be back any minute now.

He leaned in closer so our noses where touching, I tried to push him away from me my hands on his chest, he had his eyes closed, and he leaned in closer, invading my personal space, I pushed my hands to my side to stop then getting crushed.

As he breathed in my scent, "She smells a bit like you, you know, Lorraine, I guess when you share the same room, that can happen, but she does smell like you, only a little bit though, but it's there the smell of Honey, and flowers. I've always liked your smell Bella, it's so… unique." He said as he inched closer.

"I wish you would speak to me, it's killing me Bella, not to have your kisses, not to have your smell, and touch, I've missed you so much." He breathed as he placed a soft kiss on my lips, so gentle and delicate, it was hard to breath, "Bella. My Bella." He said quietly, as his hands entwined with mine, breathing in my scent once again.

I swallowed, in spite of myself but I still didn't speak, as he used my pet name, why does he do this, why does he have to be him, and make things so hard for me, can't he just leave me alone, and let me be, can't he just let me be happy without him, I could be. Happy that is, if he left me. I might be.

I could hear footsteps coming down the staircase, he sighed quietly, and moved out of my space, to stand a reasonable distance next to me.

"Hey, I got my wand, ready to go?" She asked brightly as she smiled towards Tom in a cheerful way.

She made her way over to them, and took is hand in her's and linked arms with me, biting her lip when she saw Tom hold her's back.

We walked in silence for most of the walk, though Lorraine would sometimes make small talk with Tom and I, but not us, no their was no us, there was only Tom space, and Bella, no us, there was a them, Tom and Lorraine.

When they got to the table they took their usual seats despite Lorraine's protests, about a new seating plan.

The others took their usual seats at the table and began to dig into their food, I felt tired, though, but I couldn't sleep, I had classes and grades to up hold, and… I didn't want dream about him.

I picked at the mildly appetizing food that had been lain on the table, that most Mudbloods, and poor little blood-traitors would think of as a meal fit for a king (with no taste in food).

I drowned out the irritating sound of Dumbledore's bland voices has lulled on about some sort of speech about the ludicrous idea's he sprouts out about equality and all that other rubbish.

The bell for lesson's to being chimed in my ears, we began standing, Lucius sent me his cool smirk, his pale blue sunshines sparkling, I sent him a shy grin, as our eyes met, I could feel a small blush rise in my cheeks remember what had happened earlier, in the common room.

I had charms first and though it was highly unlikely that I'd ever admit it, like Salazar coming back from the dead to help a Mudblood off the floor before feeding it, a chocolate frog, she loved it anyway, though most people assumed since I was a Slytherin her favourite class would be Slugworth's potions class, but that was just stereotypical but I had no interest in correcting them on it though.

I walked towards the class, taught by Professor Marsh, a tall stringy like woman, with curly brown hair, and hazel eyes, a Ravenclaw teacher never the less, which would make my confession that much harder.

The only problem, with the class is the one person who could ruin it for me.

I moved quickly, shoving past the chocolate stuffing Hufflepuff first years, moving to stand with my familiar small black haired dorm mate, who I spied standing by the door, sending a sly smile over to an unsuspecting Gryffindor, who grinned widely back at her, as he walked past.

I knew what would happen next but I couldn't help the laugh that erupted from me, as I watched her foot pop out, sending the blonde flying down to the floor, she smiled innocently at the other Slytherins, when she saw me, she looked up in my direction and promptly stepped over her latest target and made a bee towards me yet she still managed to do so with graceful steps even after publicly humiliating the boys who's name I do not know.

"So, missy ready for another lesson of charming?" She asked cheerfully.

"I personally think we're charming enough, don't you?" I grinned back, that was what I loved about Mellissa she always had the way, of carrying sunshine in her pocket, and yet still being a undeniable Slytherin.

"Well, it would simply be rude for me not to agree wouldn't my dear Bella?" She laughed back, I smiled back, as we made our way towards the classroom, our arms linked.

When we got into the room however, when we went our separate ways towards our seats, Mellissa took her sunshine with her.

I kept my eyes down as I moved towards my seat, next to Tom, I walked quickly and took my seat, trying to avoid all physical and verbal contact with him throughout the lesson.

"Now I want you in pairs." Said professor Marsh, I stared her down hopping she would take it back, and we would move on from the subject, but as I looked around and noticed the others around us had begun speaking to one another I my mind betrayed me and made it clear she wasn't.

"So partner, let's begin shall we?" He said smugly.

I nodded my head still avoiding contact with him, which now included eye contact, he shuffled his chair closer towards me.

"I think, the we should um, charm something personal, I read somewhere that they make most spells stronger because of their, err… bond." I said whist looking down, and fidgeting under his intense gaze.

"Really, how does that work exactly?" he said as he leaned back in his chair watching my whole body, I pushed my hair back behind my ears.

"Well, if personal things would work better, because of their meaning and significance, means that it's hard to break and would take a much stronger spell to break it… but I don't know that much about it…" I said quietly.

"Hmm… are you sure?" He asked whilst staring into the distance, thinking most likely.

"Yes… I'm sure, but like I said… I don't know much." I said watching him as he disappeared into his own mind.

"Interesting." He whispered, again to himself.

"So… should we begin?" He was still in his daze, I needed snap him out of it, for my score of course, I wasn't worried about him, not one bit, "Tom?" I asked, but he still remained deep in his own thoughts, I reached out towards his cold hand which his head was now resting on, "Tom?" I asked again, feeling a small flush from his cool touch.

His head snapped back up at me, a small smile graced his cunning features again, "Sorry about that Bella, yes um, we should start shouldn't we." He said, squeezing my hand, I jerked it back; and nodded.

"So, we need something personal, sentimental, do you have any ideas?" I asked looking down at my lap.

"Well, not really Bella, but you might." He said with a knowing smirk, "You see, if someone were to give you a gift, it would be personal, wouldn't it?" He asked, reaching into his cloak pocket.

"Well, I suppose, but I don't really have anything, that I would consider personal, most of them are just, you know trinkets." I said in a rush.

We had decided to charm, a diary, Tom suggested it, because people pour their hearts into diaries and that it would be the easiest way to get a good score.

The so called picnic had an uneventful start, Tom and I spent no alone time together, with Lorraine practically hanging off his arm, but I was ok with that, in fact I was grateful, bursting with joy I was, practically glowing they would have said if they had managed to free their tongues from that horrid game of tonsil binds, honestly, public displays of affection are the most common things I've ever seen, and clearly don't rise high enough to the black family standards.

I was sitting by the lake my feet splashing in the water, a pumpkin pasty in my hand, Tom and Lorraine, were under the water having a romantic swim, they had been under for a while.

His dark head of hair was the first to come up, his eyes met mine, Lorraine surfaced in front of him, her back was turned to me, but I imagined her plain green eyes watching him longingly, for the whole time I had been here, it was always her who kissed him.

But then his hands reached forward, his eyes went from mine to her's as he lean in and kissed her, slowly, his tongue dancing with her's, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, deepening it, his eyes moved up from her's to look directly into mine, as he continued leading the horrific scene that unfolded in front of me.

'_**I don't care. I don't care. He's your past, not your future! Snap out of it Bellatrix! Move on with your life. Forget him! Let him kiss her if he wants, it's not your business anyway.'**_ I knew I was right, and that I shouldn't be even thinking about him, but it was weird, watching her, melt in for his kiss, maybe she was better for him, she didn't hate him, she liked him and seemed willing to give into his touch.

His eyes still searched mine, as I stood from my place, pasty still in my hands, I was surprised I hadn't dropped it just yet.

I felt his eyes burning holes in my back as I walked away from him, I fought the urge to turn and face him, one more time.


	7. Parties and Toilets

I fixed on my charmed black and emerald, mask, the sounds of a victory celebration, vibrated against the wooden floor boards, small green and silver butterfly clips created a crown around the top of my head, fluttering gently, my lips blood red, a wavy knee length black dress, and small light heeled black shoes to top it off.

Slytherin beat Ravenclaw 60 to 20 in today's Quidditch match, which meant all years 4th and above were given permission to have a party.

This was my first common room party, and I was nervous, the girls in my year (in Slytherin), had decided to wear masks, like a theme, none of us had ever been to the party, because we were too young, so we weren't sure what to expect, but by now they would have cast a silencing spell over the room.

I felt the volume vibrations disappear into the wooden floor boards, with one last fleeting look in the mirror, I turned to leave, the others had already left with to the party, only me and Lucy didn't have dates but I was sure that wouldn't be the case for one of us by the end of the night.

We filtered down the staircase no-one in a particular hurry, but each of us feeling the bubble of anticipation, build up inside us.

I tried not to think about what the room would look like so I wouldn't get my hopes up, but a part of me hoped it would look classy, whilst another part of me hoped it would be like any other party, with loud music and fire whiskey, I hadn't tried it yet, but I heard it was like burning away all of your worries.

When I reached the bottom of the staircase, it felt like walking through paper, like something was checking you, most likely to see if you were old enough to even go to the party, but it felt odd none the less.

At first the room looked hazy but then my vision cleared up, and I could hear the blast of music, the long table on one side of the room neatly lined with food and drink, on the ceiling hung green velvet streamers, the walls were the usual shade of dark green, a shining orb floated in the centre of the room, sliver light beamed out of it, as it swirled around sending the light in different directions, on the long green couches, couples could be seen kissing intensely.

My feet seemed to be moving on their own accord, I smiled to myself as I saw the amount of masks, that were being worn around the room.

I moved away from the staircase so others could get by, I scanned the room looking for someone familiar, through the sea of dancers and teens.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Could I have this dance?" a warm voice whispered into my ear, from behind.

I haven't met my other future husbands, I decided to spend my time thinking of what they would look like, what kind of people they were, I like Bellatrix Scar, Bellatrix Lestrange, but then sometimes my mind would wonder to other names, like Bellatrix Malfoy, or even further to other names, another name, Bellatrix Riddle.

Turned around and laid my eyes on a well dress Lucius, his white blonde hair was sleeked back neatly, his silver eyes twinkling he, he had a glow around him like a light aura, his sly smirk, was now more of a crooked grin.

"You may." I smiled back, as he took my hand leading me towards the centre of the room, as a pairs song filled the room.

I made my way towards the girls side as he made his towards the men's or boys, which ever you want to call it.

I was thankful for this dance, it had simple steps and all of which were basic Slytherin knowledge, I kept my eyes connected to Lucius', that's what mother said to do, '_**just keep your eyes on your partner and the rest will flow smoothly.' **_

I smiled, once more to him as the music began, and we started of with a bow and curtsey, the lights past from one face to the other with no pattern in mind.

I moved forward as the rushed violin like beats began, signalling for the beautiful yet sinister dance to motion, as we swirled, towards are partners and in a mixture of black, I felt Lucius' warm hands catch me, right on cue.

I spared him a smile, "How did you know it was me?" I whispered so not to disturb the dance, as he lifted me up, while turning and my head fell back into a dip.

"Your killing smile," I blushed but only slightly, "and my male intuition." He added as what seemed to be a planned after thought.

I raised my eyebrow, as he pulled me closer to him, "I didn't know there was such a thing." I giggled as we danced slowly.

"Very few do, it's part of the Malfoy charm." He whispered back, as he twirled me, until the other girls seemed to disappear into the silk of their dresses becoming nothing more then, spiralling colours.

Until he abruptly pulled me back towards him, my head felt dizzy, but I wouldn't let it show, as I circled around him, my hand trailing over his shoulders, "You can be such a tease, you know that?" He asked as his eyes tried following my movements, I smiled slyly.

He turned back to me, his eyes connecting with mine, "Not to shabby Mr Malfoy." I said as he dipped me once again my arms wrapped themselves around his neck, after straightening us up, he spun my off towards the person on his right, before catching the girl spun to him, I fell into the hands of a stranger, possibly in the year above.

I lowered myself into curtsey, and swirled across towards my new partner, from the corner of my eye, I could see Lorraine dancing nervously with a rather cubby looking Goyle his hands trying to lower themselves down her body, I tried not laugh.

I didn't speak as I danced with this person, only smiled towards, as my mind wondered off, to more important matters, I wondered when I would meet the other three on the list, if I would meet them before the wedding.

I smiled once more at my partner as they twirled me off towards the next dancer, taking his new one.

I repeated the same movements with this one as I did the last, as they dipped me, I looked over to my right to examine my next partner, I smiled when I saw Melissa, in her own knee length black dress, ruby red mask and her hair spiralling around her as she span creating a rippling effect, I looked up at my future partner.

He turned his head towards me, his eyes shinning, I turned my head quickly, my hand trailing my new partner, Edward was it, Edmond, or whatever's shoulder.

He pulled me towards him once more before twirling me off towards Tom, who I hadn't spoken to in a week for obvious reasons, I kept my eyes down and looked at the floor which suddenly, looked very interesting at the moment.

I curtseyed low, as he bowed his head, I looked up nervously as twirled towards him, his caught me quickly pulling me close towards him, "I want to show you something Bella," he whispered into my hair, before lifting me, and turning, I didn't reply instead I focused on keeping in tune to the dance.

He began moving us further away from the others, he placed me down, and dipped me, "Tom, I need to get back to the dance." I said quietly refusing to look in his eyes, though it was difficult when he was so close to me, I could taste his breath.

He smiled, as he straightened me up, still moving closer towards the door, "Why? It's not like there's anything important. What I have to show you Bella could change everything, if you just let me show you." He said as he twirled me, again the others disappeared in a whirl of colour.

I felt light headed, as he pulled me close to him, I tried moving over so I could make my way back over to the dance, but my head was still dazed, "Hmm, Tom, what are you doing." I asked as I felt him spin me over towards the exit, it was still past curfew, but Tom was a prefect, he was allowed to be out, but that didn't mean I was.

"I have to show you, Bella, I trust you." He said as he lifted me up over his shoulder, my head still ached, as I felt Tom begin moving.

I subconsciously fixed my dress though I knew it was stupid, with the rate he was running at I would have no dignity by the end of the night.

"Tom, put me down, now." I said trying to keep my voice cool, calm and confident, but he kept moving completely ignoring my request, "Tom, if you don't put me down right now… I'll… I'll… I'll scream," but still he kept moving, I even heard him chuckle, "Tom Marvolo Riddle, if you don't put me down right now…" I started but he interrupted me.

"Merlin, Bellatrix, we're here now anyway." He said putting me down onto the floor, I glared up at him, before turning to look around.

"You dragged me away from my first common room party, to show me, the most important thing of tonight, the toilet? Wow Tom, you really have lost the plot haven't you?" I didn't say the last part quietly enough, he lifted me up from behind and sat me on the edge of a sink, and stood in front of me, looming above me.

"Bella, I never said I wouldn't hurt you, I will try but I must admit your making this very difficult for me." He said pushing me back against the pillar, of the girl toilet sinks, my back was beginning to hurt.

I sent him a small smile as I tried to reign in my tears, I wouldn't let him see me cry, not again, not ever, when he let me go, he pulled me back towards him, my back to his front, as he held me tightly, that's when he began to do it, he began to speak in Parseltounge, I watched in amazement as the pillar opened, a large hole appeared in the floor, I moved back away from it, but Tom held me still.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?" I asked quietly, I felt him shake his head, as we moved closer towards, the edge, "Where are we going?" I asked but I didn't get a reply.

Suddenly I was falling, or sliding, it was a smooth hole, like a big pipe, it's smooth marble, surface felt strong and steely.

I landed with a ungraceful thud at the bottom, my head hurting lightly, "Here we are." He whispered as he reached down at lifted me up, by my arm, his eyes met mine for a small second before I looked back down at my dress and began to smooth it out.

I looked up at the white floor, with still green water moving around the sides of the platform we were standing on, marble steps, that went up to a snake like platform, two large green serpents stood staring at Tom and I, I almost screamed before I realised they were statues, curled up into a perfect circle in the centre, sat another green snake statue carved into the wall, green velvet material streamers hung from the ceiling, light moved gracefully across the room, it was almost silent apart from the sound of my breathing, though Tom stayed perfectly still.

"This is what I wanted to show you, and only you Bella, this is the chamber of secrets." He said as his eyes moved around the school before landing on me again.

"Wow, this place it's… beautiful." Tom let out a small chuckle and smiled, "But why am I here?" I asked causing his face to drop only a little but I still preferred when it hadn't.

"Because, I want you here. Because, I trust you to keep it a secret. And, I think you would want to be here too." I tried to hide my blush as he moved closer towards me, but it was hard, and having him that close to me made it almost difficult to breath, I didn't like the effect he was having on me, it was like he still owned me, like I was still his to do as he pleased.

I couldn't move my feet, it was like I was frozen on the spot, my eyes met his and it felt even stranger, because although his eyes were dark, they were filled with something I could not recognise, I swallowed, as he lean down towards me, his cold lips capturing mine in a intense kiss, it was like he had taken away my air, like it had all disappeared, my lips felt like they were burning, like he was a fire.

I pulled away but his hands had snaked themselves into my hair, as his eyes watched mine, I couldn't look away from them, it was like he had this power over me, but it was so much stronger then before, I couldn't leave him, his breath was still cool on my face, as he moved closer, his dark eyes taunting me with their stare.

He kissed me again with the same breathless burning fire as he had before, and I felt my body completely subject to him, but some part of my mind a part that was still concious of what was going on, was scared, so scared of this weakness, the fact that Tom Riddle was once again controling me.

But I still couldn't stop.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Penny for your review (metaphorically speaking)!**


	8. Brilliant and you recognise it

I woke up wrapped neatly in bed sheets the smell of cut grass and autumn entwined around me, my eyes fluttered open, as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I looked around the room, noting the green colour of the walls.

I smiled remembering last night, and his touch, and his smell, he was right I had missed him, and thought of him, and he had proven he could be someone I loved without hurting me.

I sat up, and turned my head towards the left, where Tom was, _**'key word, **__**was**__**'.**_

"Tom?" I called out.

'_**He's not here, he left you, he used you. And we fell for it.'**_ The voice in the back of my head called back.

But I refused to listen to it, he hadn't left me, because he couldn't, he… he, "Tom?" I called louder, sitting up straighter.

'_**He's not here, he used you, he lied through his teeth, this was a joke, he's probably laughing about it right now, because no matter what he said he doesn't care about us.'**_ It just wouldn't shut up.

"He is here, he cares about me." I whispered back, that's what he said, he said he trusts me, he wants me, he said he cares, that I'm special, he wouldn't lie… he wouldn't lie again.

'_**People don't hurt or leave the ones they care about, that's what muggles do. He knows what he's doing and he doesn't want you.' **_The only thing worse than having Tom here to confirm the voice's thoughts, is that he's not here.

I wanted to cry, yell, scream, I wanted to feel something, I wanted to be sad, angry, scared, happy, in love, but I didn't I felt like he had punched me in the face, like he had crushed me in his hands, like a mouse trapped in the corner.

Because I was stupid enough to fall for him, but it wasn't me that night, it wasn't me who slept with Tom Riddle, because I refused to be the fool, I refused to let him win, because it wasn't fair, it wasn't far that he got to hurt me, and that I let him.

* * *

When I got back to my dorm, everyone else was wide awake, their chatting stopped as soon as I entered the room, I felt their eyes on me, but when I turned to face them none of them met my gaze, except Lorraine, her eyes were red and puffy, her face slightly blotched as a sign she had been crying.

"Oh, look she's back. From her wonderful night of love, with who you ask, none other then my Boyfriend, Tom Riddle, but it's not like she would care would she backstabber?" She said standing up from her place on her bed, her green eyes narrowed as she took a threatening step towards me.

"I don't know what your talking about." I said quietly, casting my eyes down.

"Oh cut the crap, Black. We all know what you did last night and who you did it with, in fact, Lucy…" She called turning around an evil smile spread across her face, as she turned towards the plain brunette.

Lucy sent me an apologetic look before scurrying forward and handing an envelope over to her, she smiled wickedly before turning to face me her eyes burning holes into me, as she handed it over, before taking a seat with Lucy on her bed, ready to watch the show.

I turned to look at Melissa, who was now sitting on her bed, sending me a small smile, I nodded my head and took a deep breath before pulling out the picture that was stuffed inside of the small package.

I felt like I couldn't breath after what I saw in front of me, blazing out at me in full detail was a shot, of Tom and I, in his room, his shirt off his toned body exposed, hair ruffled eyes dark, his hands holding me up by the waist pulling me close to him, his eyes staring carefully at me, or whatever took this horrid piece of paper.

"I…" I felt like my throat had gone dry, and I had lost my voice as I stared blankly at the piece of paper.

"What, your sorry? Hmm, I guess that's a start, to be honest I can't see what Tom saw in you, I suppose you had something when we thought you were clean and pure, but look at you now, a backstabbing little slut, why would anyone want you?" She said slowly making sure each and every word sunk in until in was imprinted in my mind, her eyes watching me carefully waiting for me to crack, but I wouldn't let myself do that not in front of her anyway, but I guess I let something slip, "He's wasn't even there was he, I guess he had to get away from the stench of failure, he probably realised what a mistake he made, and is looking to wash you off of him, I bet it was a drunken mistake for him, you were a one nighters, who thought it was serious." She laughed, I almost crumbled right there and then.

I was the one nighters, the ones he lied to and walked away from, the one he would pretend with, then ones I almost pitied and envied at the same time.

I walked over towards my best and possibly only friends bed, she pulled me into a hug, and let me lay my head on her lap, while I tried to hold back the tears that were almost bursting out o me, "It's ok." She whispered, I nodded but didn't look up at her, I didn't trust my eyes to hold them back any longer.

It was twenty more minuets of silence before Lucy and she-who-shall-not-be-named left.

That's when they all came out, in a river of tears, and they wouldn't stop, everything that I had kept bolted up came pouring out, from the moment I first met him, to last night, I had only let him ever see me cry about those things, I sobbed and cried and told almost everything, I tried to get it off my chest, I needed to stop thinking about him but I couldn't.

Mel, just sat there her handing me tissues and listening to me, not judging just baring witness to my open soul, and trying to help me fix it again, it felt like forever until they stopped, and I was just left as a blotchy mess, curled up into a ball on my best friends bed.

We sat in a welcomed silence, for a moment, and lay down on our backs staring at the bland ceiling, "Wow," I couldn't help the silent choked up laugh that fell from my lips when I heard that she laughed back, but the silence soon returned, "See what I did there, it's called lightening the mood." She smiled.

I did too because that's what Mellissa does, she is like a great wall and once your on the inside, your ok, if not just for a while, "Thanks Mel," I said quietly, but of course she could still hear me.

"For what?" She asked flicking the wand, to make an animation appear on the screen, as she watched it intently, though it made no sense at all.

"For putting up with me, for being my best friend. Your awesome, you know that right, your my best friend and you Mellissa Webb are awesome." I said smiling widely for the second time today, as I watched the two dolphins on the ceiling swim happily.

"I've been told," I laughed loudly, "But, I wouldn't have a reason to be awesome if it wasn't for my best friend, because she's awesome too." She smiled back, before swinging herself off of the bed, and reaching out under it.

"What are you doing?" I asked leaning my head over the edge to get a better look, at whatever it was she was searching for.

She came up two minuets later slightly dusty, with a small box in her arms, she set it down on the bed.

"This my friend is the answer to your problems, I've been working on it, it might have a few jinks that need to be improved, and it might be jacked up because I've never had a chanced to test it, but trust me I was tempted, but now I do." she said as she unlocked it, with one of the keys she pulled out of her robes.

"So what does it do?" I sniffled slightly.

"I was trying to make a scene, but never mind." She smirked, I returned it, "This my dear friend, is like a protection charm…"

"They've already invented that you know…" I started but stopped short when I saw her roll her eyes.

"Yes I'm aware, but this my dear friend," she pulled out a silver star shaped charm, "Is so much more than that, I started creating it, in charms, don't tell anyone. This little one here is charmed with a spell that protects things, but I added my own twist, I made it myself, it's a mixture of a Occlumency, Legilimency, Protego, Levicorus and Incarcerous." She smiled widely at my confused expression, "Ok, so all those things added together make… dun, dun, dun, if someone attempts to sneak up on you, a warning will run though said person's head, it will be loud and threatening, so they can't miss it…" I raised my hand, she nodded at me, still hold the charm in her hands.

"What kinds of threats?" I wanted to know what I was getting myself into.

"Well, something like this I suppose, _**'I will rip out your eyes, and shove them down your throat so they can watch my bare hands tare at your carcass.'**_ or _**'I will get a rabid animal to bite down on your neck and not to let go until you stop shaking.'**_"

I smirked, "Carry on." I said with a wave of my hand.

She smiled, "now if said person chooses not listen to said threats, Occlumency will protect you from any mind tricks they might try to squeeze out of you, but this is my favourite part, the Protego will ward off any magical attack, but with a special bit of magic from yours truly, the attacker, now this is the best part, will be tied up by ropes, and hung in the air, because of the Levicorus and Incarcerous spells. I know it's not much after all it is still a work in progress but, for now at least, it'll do." She grinned.

"And you thought I was awesome." I smiled widely at her, she laughed.

"See another reason we're best friends, I'm awesome and you recognise it." We shared a laugh, "Here put this on a chain, and keep it on your wrist though it can only help a little with physical problems, it is mainly for protect against magic, not all magic, but it's strong enough to protect you from… Tom Riddle, for now anyway."

"What about the glitches?" She shrugged, her shoulders, and started shooing me off her bed, so she could change.

When we got to the Grand Hall, all eyes were on us, well for Mel it was avoidable, but for me it wasn't, but she didn't move away from me, instead she linked our arms and led me towards our usual table.

Lorraine and the other girls at the table hadn't arrived yet, but I wasn't sad, in fact I was glad, because that meant I didn't have to spend most of my meals with her.

But that didn't mean I wouldn't have to spend them with the rest of the Slytherins watching me as I pulled a plate of cereal towards me.

Only now did I notice nobody else was sat at the table, but it was like they were waiting, hiding in the shadows, it was as though I was that kid in class who smelt of turnips and bog sweat.

We sat in silence, feeling the eyes of the entire hall watching us, I didn't want to look up, and have to face them, I wasn't Mel, or Tom or Sirius, I couldn't handle being watched, whispered about, I needed them to… not… watch me like that.

I could feel them coming moving closer towards us, but I didn't look up, I wasn't in this position often, I was usually the one on the other side of this, the one leading the deadly march.

She stopped behind me, her face most likely twisted into a superior smirk, as she looked down at me, her green eyes most likely narrowed but I wouldn't know, I refused to look up at her, and simply continued eating my cereal.

"Bellatrix Black. You are a sluty little whore, and we can not have such pieces of filth, at our table, and though much of us would prefer not be placed in the same house as you, it seems you can't switch, so until that day comes, you are now shunned." She said her voice laced with what would most likely sound to any other none Slytherin as venom, but I only heard fear and a slight twang of imitation.

I stayed silent, letting the already awkward tension, thick, it was almost eerie I guess, how I sat there, with my eyes closed and hands now folded neatly in my lap.

"Hmm, how about… No." I said, feigning as much confidence as I could, because no matter what Tom Riddle did to me, I was still the Slytherin princess, and it was going to take more then a Lorraine Hart to change that.

My ears were burning, as I heard then mutter to themselves, a small up roar of fear was being to pulse through them, they had thought this would be easy, they had thought I would break, maybe I will soon, but not in front of them.

I could hear to sounds of retreating footsteps, from those who were too scared to be caught, I could hear the sound of chairs moving, as others began sitting around me, but still keeping their distance, as I refused to meet their gazes, I knew not all of them had sat down, but they will soon enough, at least I hoped.

"Listen, Bella. There's a new order around here, and trust me, soon enough you will tumble down like the rest of us, and when you do… I'll be ready to fill your place, and when I do… I'll make sure everything is taken care of. Everything." She said, her voice lowering in a threatening way, but I wouldn't let her get to me, not in public anyway.

I breathed in deeply "Good luck, Lorraine." I said in a near whisper, it was true, she had the power, she just didn't know and I'll be even more damned if I tell her.


	9. Burning War

This was a war. Though it may have been based on a… egotistical, slimy, warty, flem covered, little toad, who had no respect and cares about nothing more then himself…. This was still war.

The girls old enough to both care and understand what was now happening with the social order of the school had split up into two teams, one was mine, and the other, was Lorraine's, and the boys soon fell in suit though most didn't react and only agreed with said side to keep their smothering girlfriends in the hopes it would bring them more good points.

* * *

So here she is, stuck in the astronomy tower, head bowed down low, cold wind sending chills up her pale and still slightly bruised spine, school tie and scarf thrown angrily onto the floor, and hand shakily holding onto her wand half-heartedly.

She mind still wondering why and how she got to this point, how this all happened, because she didn't plan this, she didn't ask for it, or for Tom Riddle, Bellatrix Black didn't plan or ask for any of this, and yet it was still thrust into her hands, to be added onto the ever lasting weight on her shoulders.

They say some people achieve greatness, some are born with it, and others have greatness thrust upon them, is that the same with bad things? Is that how the world works, because if it did, then it's stupid, and ever so unfair, because what if we don't want this greatness, what if we didn't plan on achieving it, and who the hell are they to thrust it upon us.

She'll admit it, ok… she's scared, because what she thought, she might just be able to handle, is spiralling out of control, her fingertips are barely able to hold onto the cracks in the foundations of her world, and she don't need this to add onto it.

It had been a few days since she had last seen Tom, not since the picture anyway, Melissa, Lucy, Lorraine and her had seen to that, and though none of them, were currently on speaking terms, though she assumed or suspected if you will that Lucy and Mel could talk, to one another at least, because this battle, this stupid and idiotic battle, could either make her or break her.

And oh how it was breaking her, the darkness poured into the open space room, but she didn't care or move, her eyes could still make out the faded silhouette of the washed out peach chairs, and her school bag, laying down around two metre's away from her.

It had been what had felt like a millennium since she found out, but it had in fact only been a mere half an hour, half an our of her life, the worse, possibly the scariest and most petrifying half an hour, she had ever experience.

It was way past curfew, but the thought only lingered in her mind for a few seconds before more important things began to cloud her vision, "It'll be… ok." She whispered under he breath, it came out in cold steam, but she didn't move to pull her robes tighter around her body, "It'll be, ok." She chanted quietly as she began softly hitting the back of her head against the grey, brick walls that made up the tower.

She kept saying that to herself, knowing that her state of denial wouldn't last very long because sooner or later she would have to face the truth and she could lie and pretend all she wanted by sooner or later she was going to have to admit it, and be prepared for whatever it was she needed to do next.

She could hear the quick scurrying of a brown mouse by her feet, and though before she would have simply complained about the infestation of a school named Hogwarts, now she just sat.

Her fingers twisting the wand around her hand letting the would feel some warmth, though the cold and frosty weather was playing against her.

She could hear the sound of footsteps, coming closer towards the room but she was too numb to move, from her position, and sat, with her head still bowed, and her hair creating a curtain across each side of her face.

She could hear the sound of footsteps moving closer towards the door, they weren't gentle or graceful in anyway, in fact they seemed more rushed than what she had expected, they pushed the door open, and she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand a little taller as she felt their eyes watching her, but she wouldn't meet them, she just stayed with her head down, eyes burning, but no tears would come out.

"Bella? Bella what are you doing here?" She would have scoffed at the almost insufferable, voice of her cousin, she would have made a witty remark before, but now, it felt like she had lost all will to speak.

Instead she kept her eyes down as felt the hot burn of tears blur her vision, "What do you want Sirius?" Her words came out slippery and her voice was choked, it was like a stone had been chugged down her throat and was coming back up.

He sat, down on the somewhere in the mist of the darkness, she could picture his own brown eyes trying to watch her through her curtain of hair, "I was…. I was worried about you, you didn't come to dinner, and well last week… I just, I… I knew, I thought you might need someone." He said loud enough for her to hear.

She still didn't look up though, she didn't want him here, she didn't need him here, and though a part of her knew the words that were about to come out of her mouth were not only unreasonable, but also unfair, but she still said them, "Well, you would know, if you were in _**Slytherin**_, you would know, if you were _**a real Black **_and you would know, if you didn't need to be _**so damn different**_."

She could make out his silhouette shifting slightly through the darkness, but he still stayed seated his eyes bored into her's though it was unlikely he could see her, "Bella, what's wrong?" He asked again his voice had lost an amount of it's usual cocky confidence.

She didn't reply her eyes kept shifting, as she tried to avoid "Nothing." She couldn't tell him because she didn't trust him, not completely anyway, but a part of her wanted to trust him, very much, but she couldn't she couldn't admit to the fact that she was weak that she needed help.

"Tell me." He pushed harder she stood from his chair, making his way over towards his older cousin, his eyes trying to find her eyes, through the thick darkness of her hair.

"I… I can't." Bella replied her head bowed even lower, her fingers trailing over the hem of her robes.

He moved closer crouching onto the floor so he could attempt to look his usually bitter cousin, "Yes you can, I'm Sirius, your annoying yet loving cousin, you know the young a gorgeous one." He said with smirk, his eyes were a light shade of brown compared to Bella's.

She shook her head, the tears stood shakily at the edge of her eye lids, "Something bad had happened, I know don't… I don't know what to do." Her voice was dry, and choked, her body shook violently as she said the words, but she needed two more, two more words, and that was all it took to make her the family disgrace, the one they were ashamed of, the one who would be unwelcome, and unwanted.

"I can help… if you tell me, I can help you." He said his voice was warm and concerned, as he sat in front of his cousin.

She swallowed her heart racing faster in her chest, as she thought it through, "I'm…. I'm pregnant." She whispered.

She waited for him to judge her, laugh at her, try to comfort her, tell her she's lying, that everything would work out fine, but he didn't say anything, his hand reached out and grabbed her's reassuringly, before he began to stand, pulling her up with him.

"It's ok, to be scared." He whispered back, he was tall for his age, but still he only reached her shoulders, she sent him a weary smile, her eyes didn't meet his though.

They walked down the hard concrete steps towards the halls, it was after hours and the prefects, were still wondering the halls, the Gryffindor common room was round the corridor but it would take longer for Bella to reach the Slytherin, "I'll walk you." Sirius said his eyes scanned over her, as though he could see the unformed baby bump clearly through her robes, she didn't have the strength to say no to him, so she simply nodded her, head.

Her steps were shaky, as she clung tightly to her belongings, breaths deep, as she thought about the life inside her, the life that she was now responsible for, if she chose to have it, if she chose to keep it.

She sped up, Sirius fought to keep up with her pace, as she continued on not slowing down, it was like she was moving even faster away, she felt the continuous stream of salty tears pour down her face, she felt like everyone could see her, like everyone knew, even though she was now walking through the dark corridor with the only living person who knew, what a disgrace she was, she felt like eyes were watching her, like they were judging her even more then she had judged herself.

"It'll be… ok." She whispered, as they moved closer towards the moving staircases, that led down towards the common room, "Ok, it'll be ok." She kept mumbling that to herself, she kept saying it as she passed each pillar, and door.

She could still feel the judging eyes, watching her carefully (though it was most likely the eyes of her Gryffindor cousin), as though they wanted her to be hurt, like they were laughing, sneering in disgust, the sound of scurrying tiny feet filled her ears as yet another mouse ran across her feet.

She watched it, as it hid inside the shadows, her hand moved towards her wand, "Incarcerous." She whispered her eyes focused on a spot inside the darkness of the shadows, she could hear the sound of the mouse's heartbeat increasing, beating fast in it's tiny body, but she couldn't see it.

"Bella? Bella what are you doing?" Sirius asked, but she barely registered his voice, she could only see the dark shadow the little rodent had hidden in.

Her eyes flashed, with rage at the fact it got to hid, to leave, and nobody would know, it could hid, and play, it could run from danger yet it stayed, the _**stupid**_ mouse, "Flagrate." She whispered pointing her wand towards the window where the mouse had taken refuge, her eyes widened slightly as the burning red flames, erupted from the ground.

"Bella, stop it. Stop it now." Sirius whispered as he watched, the bright orange flames, his eyes reflecting a mixture of fear and awe.

They grew larger dancing, around each other, the smell of thick black smoke, wafted through the air, as the flames grew larger, getting closer towards the pregnant brunette and her curly haired cousin, their claws making ashes on the ground as they spread.

Bella began to panic, her hand was shaky as the flames drew closer towards the pair, whipping through the air, stopping her, the gentle squeak of the mouse, and Sirius from moving, they roared, as they moved closer towards the pair, she reached down towards her wrist, her hand rubbing at the small charm on the chain bracelet.

The flames grew closer towards them, they were now less then thirty or so odd centimetres, away from them, and decreasing down.

"Bella. You can stop it now." Sirius said his voice turning more urgent then it had been before.

Her breath caught in side her throat as she was pushed further into the wall, "I'm sorry." She whispered quietly towards him.

She wouldn't allow herself to breath, she wanted to savour each minute of life, of her life, and Sirius'… not the, maybe, _**it's**_ life too.

It was so close now, the heat radiating off of it, was burning her, she shut her eyes and clamped her mouth shut, as she waited for them to kill her… or maybe them, but they weren't a them yet, because that… that thing, inside her wasn't a person yet, it wasn't alive.

"Finite!" A voice yelled from the other side of the corridor, it was strong and loud, but she didn't open her eyes, she could feel the presence of another person in the corridor.

Her hands gripped tightly at her wand, her legs gave way, as she shook with the shock and fear, but she didn't cry, it was like she had no more tears.

She could hear her cousin let out a sigh of relief,

and could see a pair of shinny black shoes stop in front of her, but she didn't look up to see the face of her saviour, her lungs were hungry for air, as she breathed in hard.

"Are you alright?" He sounded polite, but Bella knew him well enough to know his show face.

"Yes," Sirius' voice was meek and quiet, she could feel his hand touch her shoulder as he tried, to comfort her, it was like they had switched roles, he was the one protecting her, "I'm sorry, about the… um fire, thank you for saving us. I'll take Bella back to her common room…" He started his voice was still shaky but that was understandable, she could feel all eyes on her, but she didn't look up, or get up, she still sucked in the cool air.

"No, I'll take her, you get back to your dorm, Mr Black." His voice was warm, and calm, but Sirius didn't move his hand was rested firmly on her shoulder his eyes staring back up a the prefect that had caught them, "Goodnight… Sirius." It said firmly, ending the conversation completely.

She heard him sigh, before letting her go and leaving her alone, with… him.

He didn't speak for a while, just stood eyes staring forward, he was silent, like he was thinking about something, she could hear him exhale loudly, "What on earth do you think you were doing? You could have been killed!" The voice hissed at her from above, roughly pulling her upwards.

"Get off me!" She screeched as she tried to wrench herself out of his stony grip.

"I saved your life!" He near yelled back, his hand shook her arm, as he pulled her closer.

"And I didn't ask you to." She spat, though she was grateful, and angry at the same time, that he had indeed saved her.

She felt his cold hand as it struck her hard across the face, the sting of what felt like could metal, left a deep red mark on the side of her face, her hand reached up to touch it, fingers trailing around the edges.

They stood in silence, she didn't meet his gaze as she felt the tears build up in her eyes, _**'Everything that is happening is because of him, everything that's happening to me is because of him, it's all his fault. All of it, is his fault.'**_

She closed her eyes, and felt the tears trying to free themselves, show themselves, she turned her back to him, her feet moving on their own accord, as she moved down the corridor and closer towards the dorms.

"Bella! Bella! Bella get back here, _**now**_!" He called loudly after her, "_**Bella**_! I'm not done talking with you! Get back here! Now! _**Bella**_!" his voice was strained and rough as he called loudly after her.

She kept her tears silent, as she moved her heart raced in her chest, at that moment she had made a decision and it was that, she… Bellatrix Black was not going to ever, ever let Tom Riddle, be a part of this child's life, because she was going to keep it, she was going to show him, that she didn't need him, she didn't need him, or his power, or his manipulation to take care of this child.

She could still feel the eyes watching her, judging her, but she wouldn't give in, because now, it wasn't just her life, it was the… the, thi… baby's life too, and if she was going to have it, she was not going to allow, anyone, not even Tom Riddle, to hurt it.

* * *

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own Harry Potter.**

******Sorry it took longer to update this chapter, I'll try not to do that... lol, thanks to all those who've favourited, alerted, read or reviewed so far!**

******Penny for your review (metaphorically speaking)!**


	10. Green, Silver, Dark and Flawed

It was confusing, to say the least. The pretences, the smiles, the walks to class, the friends the constant questioning nag that rang in my ears.

The sleepless nights, which I would spend, staying up until my body could no longer stay conscious, thinking about what I would do, where I would plan to go when all of this was over and the… the baby came, it's such a small word baby, and yet it means so much, it's hard to imagine that inside me, there is a tiny creature, living, that I am it's only form of survival, that it needs me… that something so pure and clean (though it may not have been conceived under the best circumstances), relies on me, and only me, to live.

It's also scary, because I don't know how to look after, something like that, I don't know if I can take care of it, and to be quite blunt it scares the hell out of me, and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing.

The sound of Professor Sharpe's voice was drowning distantly in my thoughts, I suspected he was most likely rummaging through his draws seeking his wand, while his slightly high pitched voice made the others in the room snicker, he was good teacher perhaps even brilliant… that or tremendously stupid.

I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, snapping me back into reality which had proven to suck beyond belief.

"Bella?"

My head snapped up again as I looked at Lucius who was currently running a hand through his white blonde hair, his body shifting from foot to foot nervously.

"Yes?" I asked.

He swallowed and looked down taking in a deep breath, "Would you like to be my partner?" he asked his voice shaking slightly but I pretended not to notice it, like I was sure Sirius was pretending that his less than lovely older cousin was not indeed pregnant, I tried to look unfazed by the sudden worry that I had hammered into my mind.

"For what?" I answered, my eyes travelling around the room.

"For them um… for the duelling competition." He answered his body returning to it's normal superior slouch.

"What duelling competition?" I asked again my voice raising, but Lucius pretended not to notice it, but instead smiled kindly at me.

"The one we have to get ready for now, Sharpe was just telling us about it… you know we have to spit up into pairs," he said gesturing nervously between us, "and go up against other pairs, who ever wins gets this, special pass if you will, to get them out lessons for half a day, like a free pass," I scanned the room, the tables were still in their previous order, lined up into three unofficial groups, one mine, one Lorraine's and one for the undecided, "and you get to go anywhere you want… like Hogsmead."

I sent him a small smile as he looked down at his shinny black shoes, though my mind was still screaming at me that this was dangerous, that this was a mistake and that I shouldn't even be involved, my heart, or mind… it was hard to tell the difference was telling me it was ok, it was ok to want to be normal and not to have to hide away.

I nodded once before following him over to the line of students, each waiting with eager ears to hear the first group Professor Sharpe would call out, from the list of names on his scrooled piece of parchment.

His high voice rose even higher as he blushed under the intense gaze, "To… Tom Riddle, and Lo… Lorraine Hart." The pair walked up onto the growing platform Sharpe had conjured up, a smug grin spread on Lorraine's face as she moved herself closer to less the comfortable looking Tom, her green eyes shinning as she looked down on the other students from her spot, I kept my eyes down from that point on.

The list went on as other pair climbed up onto the floor hoping that they might be the ones to knock Lorraine off her high pedestal, and though I couldn't see her, that doesn't mean I couldn't her hear, or that high pitched squeal of delight that left her lips and the sound of her shoes as they clogged against the floor as she bounced up and down, it was almost nauseating really.

"Bella… Bellatrix B… B… Black and Lu… Lucius Malfoy." His voice chirped as he looked towards us, his expression completely oblivious to the danger he was creating.

My hand subconsciously reached down to cover my stomach, a move most would associate with nerves, I felt Lucius' hand squeeze my shoulder as he nudged me forward.

The dark wooden floor boards, seemed to be basking in the glory of the fact that they had yet another victim to catch during their inevitable fall, the odds were most certainly up against us.

I was forced to look up at my opponents, they stared back dangerously at me, my breath became shaky, but the warm hand that wrapped it's self around mine made me relax even though it wasn't noticeable a lot it was enough to get me to stand straight.

I looked up at Lucius who had his eyes forward starring back at Lorraine and Tom with the same intensity, his jaw set, and his muscles tensed as though I was the one comforting him, I almost snorted, but turned my head back to the eager hunters in front of me.

Lorraine smirked as she watched our hands, almost as if it was the key to her winning this game, her green eyes relaxed instead of their usual (now at least) hard look, Tom on the other hand remained distant with an unreadable expression on his face, as though he was thinking about things, but every few seconds his gaze would travel back towards our hands and something close to… something I couldn't name would spread across his pale face.

"On the count of three." Sharpe's slightly shrill voice made me jump slightly, as I pulled my wand out of my robes, feeling Lucius' hand slip away from mine, "Three!" His hand was warm and gentle but at the same time seemed to have that very same possessive nature that Tom's did, only much more hidden as though it was barely there at all "Two!" Tom's gaze still had stayed in virtually the same place as though he could still see my hand in Lucius' "One!"

"Flipendo!" It came out in a rush, each syllable enunciated, I didn't have time however to watch as Lucius was knocked backwards, as I readied my own spell to throw towards a beaming Lorraine, who's head was turned longingly towards Tom, her hands reacher over towards him, as though she was about to pull him into a hug...

"Stupefy!"

She fell forward with an unceremonious thump, my chest heaved, as I stared up at Tom, as he began moving closer towards me, in cat like prowl, I could feel the eyes of the whole class as they watched us intently, though I'm sure not all of them know what was going on, but simply went with the hot tension in the air.

We moved around one another, in a wide circle, neither knowing what to say, because what would be best to say in a situation like this? And though I tired to fight it my eyes found their way up towards his, before quickly looking back down again.

My hand covered my stomach, as Tom watched me carefully, his eyes looking down towards my almost cradled stomach which was still looking as flat as it had before I was… _**that word**_, to the unperceptive eye it would seem as though I was simply nervous, but something in Tom's face showed me he didn't believe that.

"Expelliarmus!" He hissed his wand pointed towards me, but before I could move brown string like ropes appeared from what looked to be thin air, wrapping themselves tightly around him, he didn't struggle his eyes just stared into mine, as the charm began to lift him roughly might I add up into the air, holding him by the ankle of his sock, his clothes sliding down his body, his robes just clinging onto his body, his shirt moving downwards towards the floor but only being held back by this pale arms.

I raised my wand, and pointed it up towards him, though it felt as though he knew what was coming next and yet he did not react he simply stood or rather hung, his dark eyes watching me, until the pressure took over "Impedimenta!" and the mesmerising spell he had with my eyes was broken as his body stiffened and he fell like a defective plank of wood onto the floor.

But his eyes though momentarily unmoving seemed to be boring wholes into me, their dark irises mixing in with the darkness of his pupils.

I turned my back to him, swallowing down the choking lump that had formed inside my throat and began moving over towards Lucius who was laying at the edge of the platform his head concussed from the impact, he hand moving spidery over to floor as he tried to sit himself up.

The class was silent their eyes drifting from me to the limp bodies laying on the floor, the mouths of the Hufflepuffs hung open, the jaws of the Gryffindors locked, the eyes of the Ravenclaws wide but it was the Slytherin's who remained indifferent, as though they were unsure, scared perhaps, but either way all eyes were watching me, and for once I prayed that the high pitched voice of my Defence Against the Dark Arts would cut in soon.

"Ok. I think that's enough for today, it must be time for you to head back over to your next class's, Miss Black and Mr Malfoy are excused from lesson's starting… um tomorrow. So before you leave lets give them a… erm round of app… applause." This words came out in a rushed mix of letters, but were still eligible enough for me to be able to make them out.

What ever the other houses lacked in their claps the Slytherin made up for and twice over, I felt my cheeks burn but I didn't turn, I kept my eyes locked on the now levitating blonde moving across the room, Professor Sharpe watching him carefully as the two left the room and began on their way to the infirmary.

"Miss Black would you and Miss Penning take care of the other two, I have a feeling th… they may also need attending to." He called over his shoulder, I wished I had pretended not to have heard him but I hadn't instead, I turned around letting my gaze cross with the rather timid looking Penning girl as she sped her way over towards the messy looking Lorraine who was laying face down, still frozen from the spell.

I took in a deep breath as the others began making their way out of the room and towards their designated classes, I lifted my wand not wanting to go any closer towards Tom, who was still laying on the floor the ropes still wound around him.

"Mobilicorpus." I said trying to keep my voice strong as I watched Tom's unmoving body rise into the air, using my wand to make his body swivel to the side, as I began to lead us towards the door.

The first years stood in formation outside of the room eyes almost as wide (as the less then subtle Ravenclaws that had witnessed the show in the classroom) as they watched me and a unknowing Tom leaving the class room, but I didn't spare them move than a sideways glance trying to keep my focus on not allowing Tom to crash down onto the floor, as tempting as it would have been.

I could hear the gentle tapping of a foot from behind me, "Hey Be… Bella." the owner said their voice quiet and meek.

"Hello Lucy." I said curtly as I move Tom faster towards the infirmary, I could still hear the tapping of her shoes as they moved faster to catch up with us, through I suspected she had to pay even closer attention to the ditzy blonde she had the misfortune to be responsible for.

"So, that was some spell you did back in class…" She started her voice staying calm and quiet as she moved to stand closer towards me, her short brown hair bobbing as she tried to keep up with my pace, waiting for me to slow a more accessible speed for her to stay with.

"Yes I suppose it was."

She didn't seem to notice the attempt to close the conversation, as she kept speaking, "Yes it was, but I don't remember you saying anything… or even seeing your lips move…" She said with determination her eye wide and curious.

I paused for a moment afraid to tell her the truth which would no doubt find its way to Lorraine who in turn would use it to her advantage, "Well Lucy, when your as good of a witch as I am you'll soon come to the knowledge that spell simply aren't needed, but given my decent, I will let you in on the small advantage I have… my family have recently come in contact with a family of Greyback Nargles a rare breed of creature who's milk has proven to increase the IQ by miles, but can only be found in the rather… how do I put it, exclusive parts of Britain. My mother had been lucky enough to come across some from a close family friend who hails from Ireland, he was willing to sell it to her at a reasonable price of course but…" I watched as her eyes grew wide with the new information most likely out of the fact that I had actually been able to convince her such things as _**'Greyback Nargles' **_existed, but also because she had new fake information to spread to Lorraine who was most likely as thick as her.

"But what?" She asked practically hanging off of her seat with anticipation.

"Oh, it seems I have said too much," her expression flattered slightly, "can I trust you to keep this to yourself Lucy." I asked, turning my head towards her, but still watching Tom out of the corner of my eye.

She turned to me, "Of course." she beamed, her lapse in concentration caused Lorraine to land onto the floor with yet another unceremonious thump I tried to hide the smile that was beginning to play on my lips, her head snapped back to the contorted body that lay almost lifelessly on the floor, before she ran up towards her checking if she was ok.

I took this opportunity to leave before she saw it fit to start up yet another conversation with me.

The walls of the infirmary were a pale blue, Lucius was sat up on the bed his eyes closed as though he were having a nap, his mouth curled into a soft smile, his hair hanging unevenly on one side of his face, I missed his eyes, the silver eyes so contrasting from the ones of… my… of Tom.

I had set him down gently onto the bed, Madame Pomfrey was most likely searching for her apprentice, Alice Vix a young lady fresh from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, though the title didn't seem to affect her skills in timing.

I stood for a while, just watching him, as he lay in his frozen position his eyes unmoving staring back at me, his dark hair in it's usual style, and something of a smile gracing his lips, but it could have just as easily have been a grimace or a glare, but I thought it was a smile.

I took cautious steps over to the unmoving body, it was odd, I knew I was meant to change, but I didn't believe I could, not just me in particular but everyone in general, in my mind people don't change, people can't change… they just get better at hiding their flaws.

That was the case with Tom, to the unknowing eye, he was perfection, he had changed from that frightening or frightened boy in the orphanage to a sweet well kept wizard, but he hadn't changed, he had only developed the ability to hide his flaws.

And by moving closer to him, I was proving my theory, I was proving that no matter what people say or what people think or do, they can't change, it's true for some they actually believe they have, but the fact of the matter is deep down inside themselves, their still the same person, we are all human, we are all from earth, and though most of us are better at hiding it, we can't change.

"Be… Bella?" A dazed voice called out towards me from behind, his hand running though his hair, his eyes squinting, I smiled and turned towards him.

"Are you alright?" I asked as I moved closer towards him, until I was sitting on the edge of his rough blanket bed.

He smiled through what looked like immense pain, "Yes, are you? Did we win?" He said trying to sit up straighter to get a better view of our conversation.

I nodded again not sure what to say until the thing that felt like word vomit took a hold on me, "I'm sorry, it's my fault you're here, and it's my fault Tom hurt you. I… I'm sorry"

He looked at me strangely his eyes meeting mine, his eyebrow raised slightly, "No it's not, it was a duel and I just lost, it's ok Bella, it… it's not your fault." He said calmly dismissing the matter with his knowing smirk.

"Yes it is, and I'm sorry…"

"Your wasting your time you have nothing to be sorry about…" he cut in.

"Merlin, I'm trying to be caring and compassionate so would you just take the bloody apology already!" I near screeched, but he didn't seem fazed he almost seemed to find my antics amusing.

"I can't except your apology, and your giving me a bit of a head ache…"

"See! I'm wounding an already broken man, make me apologise." I snapped, trying to show I was in complete control of both myself and my emotions.

He smiled, "Ok, if it means so much to you, I know something you can do." He said his head bowed in it's shy little way.

"What?"

He turned his head up to look at me, the shine of the silver sun-shines in his eyes brightening, "Kiss me."

And I did, maybe I was stupid, I most probably am, but at that moment I kissed someone, who didn't hurt me, who didn't make me want to yell and cry.

Lucius' lips were different to Tom's, Tom's lips were like a poison, and Lucius' were like some kind of antidote, they were soft and gentle, but it was strange, it was odd, because I didn't feel anything.

I didn't hear bells or fireworks, I didn't feel like the breath was knock out of me, I didn't feel like I was his forever, it wasn't like it was supposed to be, because it was supposed to be… something better.

I pressed my lips harder against his, hoping that if I did something would happen, something like a clue or a hint, would be created, I wanted to find something, something that proved I capable of being loved, and that someone was capable of loving me back.

But again, I don't believe people can change, I think that they just get better at hiding their flaws.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Penny for your review (metaphorically speaking)!**

**Hi sorry again... this is not my best work... but it's all good for now, the next chapter will be up much sooner than this one. But thanks for reading it anyway. And thanks again to those who have read, reviewed, favourited and alerted.**


	11. my name is

When she was five she never wanted to be a queen or princess, she always felt that she already was one, and that if she wasn't then she would be one soon enough.

When she was ten, she never worried about that stuff, because she had already learnt that anything she wanted was in her reach and that in one year she would have the power to begin to control it.

When she eleven she thought she was in love.

When she was twelve she thought she found her soul mate.

When she was thirteen she thought it was all a big miss understanding.

When she was fourteen she thought she could walk away.

When she was fifth teen she realised she was already too late.

* * *

She woke up early, pulling out a small bag from the depths of her trunk, she began rummaging through it to find a some casual clothes that would hide part of the shame she had brought upon her family.

She didn't have enough time, to coordinate her choice of clothing last night, due to the fact she had spent most of her time staying up, and owling the hospital in order to make her appointment (under a different name of course) as swift and easy as possible, it was still before six, too early for te others to even consider morning.

"Bella?" The soft voice came from the bed next to her, as Melissa popped her head out from under the thick shelter of her duvet, which seemed to swallow her; her hair was ruffled and her eyes heavy.

"Go back to sleep Mel." Bella said as she began pulling out a blouse and chucking it onto her bed.

"Where are you going?" She yawned trying to sit up, as she watched Bella examine the clothes from her trunk, only to return them to a messy pile that lay by the foot of her bed.

"I have a half day remember." Bella replied as she pulled out a pair of black high heeled shoes, she needed something that would make her sophisticated, make it seem as though she had everything under control.

"But it's so early, I'm sure Lucius won't mind you having a bit more sleep…"

Her head snapped up, and she turned to her half conscious friend, "Who said anything about Lucius?"

Melissa, hesitated scratching her black hair as she racked her mind for information, "Lucy," she chirped, smiling to herself, "Lucy told me, she said she saw you, two holding hands, or something like that…"

"Well I'm not going with Lucius." She said as she continued rummaging through her clothes.

"Then who are you going with?"

"Nobody, now go back to sleep Mel, you still have school." She heard a small sigh from her friend which soon mixed with the gentle hum of her snoring dorm mates.

She eventually settled for a plain black skirt, a white blouse, and her pair of black heels, which added two more years to her actual age.

She shoved the clothes into her bag, and slipped into a pair of plain blue jeans, a short sleeved t-shirt, a coat and some black boots, or commoner clothes as her mother would have called them, but there were a number of things her mother would have called common, and if she found out her eldest daughter was pregnant… well it most certainly would not end well for said daughter.

She tiptoed towards the door, careful not to disturb anyone, and slipped into the dark corridor.

She felt her heart beating fast in her chest, out of both nerves and adrenaline she reached out with her hand trying to feel around for the rail, though she could have easily used a Lumos spell she preferred to work this way, because on the off chance she came bumped into someone she knew, she didn't want them to become suspicious.

Grabbing the cold wooden pole, Bella took small steps towards the common room, seeing the small flicker of green light from the fire place, she felt her eyes ache from the sudden light, but continued slowly into the room.

"Hello Bella." A voice said, she squinted her eyes, but still couldn't see whoever it was.

The fire light seemed to dim down, "H… hello?".

She could hear whoever it was moving, but couldn't pin point where exactly they had moved to, or where they had moved from, "Where are you going so early?" It asked.

Her fingers moved closer towards her wand, "Who are you? I don't want to play games?" she called out fingers lacing themselves around her wand 12 ¾ of walnut and dragon heartstring core.

"But I think you do Bella, I think that you like playing games." The voice was closer now, but she didn't hear it's footsteps, maybe it was because of the fact her heart was beating so fast in her ears.

"Show yourself." She said pulling out her wand from inside her coat pocket, pointing it out in front her, moving backwards, eyes flashing around the room.

The fire place now roared back to life light filling the room with it's warm heat and it's bright light, his face was now clear, he was in his uniform his expression unreadable.

"Tom you scared me." She said but still she did not move her wand down, instead she clutched onto it tighter, her knuckled turning white.

"Is there something your hiding from me Bella?" He asked, stepping closer towards the fireplace, _**'his fireplace' **_she thought, her eyes following him carefully.

"I'm not sure I understand what your talking about Tom." She replied quietly, trying to keep her hand from drifting over towards her belly.

"But I think you do."

"When I said I didn't want to play games Tom I meant it." She said trying to stand her ground.

He didn't reply instead he continued pacing, his hands folded neatly behind his back, "Can you tell me Bella, how a witch such as yourself managed to perform a spell without saying any words at all, and then tell me how she managed to perform a spell that not only plays with the mind but also has a tendency to threaten a person?" He asked, turning to face her, taking a step closer towards her.

She stayed quiet forcing herself to think of something else entirely, because she didn't know how good Tom had gotten at Legilimency, and if he had gotten better at it, then she had to force herself to think of something completely irrelevant, because she would not let Melissa get involved in whatever sick game Tom Riddle was playing.

"Skill, perhaps, I have been practicing, and I did say a spell Tom, I had been working on it, in my dorm room, it's not completely finished however…" she said her eyes still drifting towards the door, hoping to leave soon.

"Yes, I thought about that too, but then I saw you… inside the infirmary with… Lucius I believe it was… and I couldn't help wondering if there was something… going on between you to, I suppose it would make sense the hand holding, the kissing, the staring." she took a deep breath not allowing herself to turn around.

"That's none of your business, Tom and even if there were something going on between Lucius and I… which there most certainly isn't I don't see how it's any of your concern…" she said, trying to stand her ground though she was inwardly shaking.

Tom's eyes darkened but he didn't make a move towards her, "And yet you still feel the need to lie to me Bella, I thought we could be friends now, move on from this juvenile little phase of yours but it seems not."

"Tom, I think you know better than anyone that us being friends would never work out… and there is nothing going on between Lucius and I but if there was then he is twice then man you will ever be." She said eyes blazing.

"So your just throwing yourself at any boy who will have you, excuse me for assuming you had more _**class**_ then that." He hissed, standing taller then had before.

Her hand curled into fist as she resisted the urge to hit him, "Says the boy who has been with almost every girl in the school, Mudbloods included, I'm surprised you haven't caught something yet. And you have the indecency to talk to _**me**_ about class, you selfish, egotistical little man whore!" she hissed back, her blood boiling, her chest heaved, as she and Tom stared each other down.

She shook her head before turning towards the door, "See it's always the same with you Bella, when are you going to realise that your no different then I am." He called.

She turned her eyes meeting his, "I'm nothing like you tom." She said a small smile spreading across her face at the satisfaction of that fact.

"Oh but you are, you see you and I are the same, we both created ourselves and we both use others as a means to get what we want, the only difference being I can admit it." A superior smirk spread across his lips, but Bella refused to look at him or believe the words that came from his lips.

"I almost pity you Tom." she said turning her back to the dark haired boy, and proceeded out of the common room and towards the, the school gates.

The small shimmers of pink, blue and orange lit the corridor's though the open arch windows, she walked quickly, passing class room and painting alike, her steps less quiet then they had been before, the heel of her boots clicking along with each step.

The waiting room inside 's hospital was quiet, there were only five of them sitting in the maternity ward, the receptionist's voice was brittle as she chatted with the nurse, they're eyes would occasionally turn towards Bellatrix and the other patients before continuing their conversation.

Bella was now in her other clothes, she had made an effort of changing into them, two streets away from the hospital at the Leaky Caldron where she had found a small charm spell that would allow her hair to turn a shade of red.

Across from her in one of the other seats sat a girl no older then fifth teen, she had brown hair and tanned skin, her baby bump was already visible underneath her pale blue jumper, she had a small book in her hands, her hair pulled up into a neat ponytail.

Bella watched her carefully, wondering if in a few months that would be her who was flipping mindlessly through a baby book, completely ok with the fact she would be a mother in less then a year.

The girl looked up a her and smiled, "Is this your first time… I mean, is this your first appointment?" her voice was like bells smooth and calm, but Bella could only nod not completely trusting herself to talk to the stranger in front of her, "My name's Alexia." she smiled.

Bella nodded, and smiled softly unsure of how to introduce herself, because this girl could be anyone, meaning this girl could tell the whole world about her situation, "I'm Phoebe." she said with a small nod in the girls direction.

"How far along are you? I'm three and half months, trust me getting over month two was like a passing a mile stone, it felt so good not to have to throw up every few minute's." She laughed, but Bella just felt herself growing more nervous, but she allowed herself a small laugh.

"I'm not entirely sure on the specific's." She said simply, turning head over towards the door as it open, and a young man seeming no older then eighteen stepped through the door he wore blue jeans and a plain t-shirt, he smiled warmly.

"Um… Phoebe Perry?" He called out, eyes scanning over the small group of people in the room, Bella stood, sending a small smile towards Alexia who beamed widely.

"Erm… that's me." she said walking up over towards the light brown haired young man, he smiled at her before ushering her into the room.

Her shoes clicked against the cold marble flooring, as she walked inside the beige room, a small bed sat in the centre, a chair and desk to the left of it, and a woman around the age of thirty or so stood a smile spread across her face.

"Hello Phoebe, my name is Elizabeth, or you an call me Doctor Morgan, or Lizzie if that makes you feel more comfortable, and this is my trainee Aaron Norris, you can call him Doctor Norris or Aaron."

She swallowed, remembering the list of names she had received, feeling the butterflies in her stomach rise at the fact she was mere inches as her possible future husband and pregnant, with someone else's child and lying about her age, name and even hair colour, but she smiled warmly towards the two anyway.

Taking a seat on the soft bed, "So Phoebe would you mind telling us how far along you are?" Doctor Morgan asked her blue eyes scanning over the small sheet Bella had filled out.

"I'm not really sure but I'd say I'm around one or two weeks, but I… I'm not certain." she said trying to keep her voice strong, because right now she wasn't Bellatrix Black, she was Phoebe Perry and Phoebe Perry was not the fifth teen year old girl who had made the mistake of getting herself knocked up, no Phoebe Perry, had planned this or something like that, and knew exactly what she was going to do with her child father or no father.

Doctor Morgan nodded, her blonde hair shifting from side to side in it's high ponytail, "I see, well we can begin the scan now and make sure everything's nice and healthy, and then we can work out when our next appointment will be." Bella nodded, a nervous smile spreading across her lips.

"Sure, um do your magic Doc." She said trying to keep her cool, she could hear Aaron chuckle but it was too quiet to draw too much attention.

Doctor Morgan asked her to lay down, and to pull her blouse up a bit so they could get the spell to work clearer.

It was Aaron who had the job of smearing the cold blue thick liquid onto her belly, she tried not to wince, "Sorry, it will warm up eventually." he said as he stood up, his brown eyes meeting her dark ones, she smiled sheepishly at him before drawing her attention to the wand that was being waved over her abdomen.

"Alright Phoebe now, what going to happen is the blue stuff on your belly will turn purple and then a image of the baby will be shown over there by the wall," Doctor Morgan said pointing towards the plain wall on Bella's right, "it will be a bit fuzzy and it may be hard to make out the baby because it will be pretty small right now, but that's what's going to happen, any questions?" she asked turning to look at a shaky Bella, or Phoebe.

Bella shook her head, and closed her eyes feeling the liquid heat up like a warm blanket covering her belly as it began turning a light shade of violet, she could feel their eyes staring holes into her.

"Is it time now? Can you see it?" She asked feeling the butterflies in her stomach flutter fast with anticipation.

"Yep, it's right here." Her eyes snapped open, she turned her head towards the floating picture, a it was in black and white.

She felt tears well up in her eyes, as she watched the wall seeing the blurry image on the wall, "Are you alright?" Aaron's voice was soft and concerned, she shook her head, trying to whip away the tears that were seconds away from pouring down her face.

"No," he reached down a grasped her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze waiting for her to continue "I can't see it." she choked, he and Doctor Morgan grinned, down at her.

"It's ok," he moved closer towards the wall, pointing out at a small peanut shaped dot at the bottom of her uterus, "see this, is your baby." He chuckled, she blushed.

"I can see it now." She whispered, causing him to smile back at her.

"Now… Miss Perry, your next appointment should be in a two or three weeks, which day would you like to swing by?" Doctor Morgan asked, filling out the small sheet, she had been holding before, "We can fit you in… sometime between Monday and Sunday." She said, scribbling on the paper.

Bella had told them that she would eventual get back to them with her answer, they had given her a small bottle of pills, and a prescription sheet on the off chance she may loose the tablets.

When she got back to the waiting room Alexia, was sitting with a boy, he had black hair, dark eyes, and the same soft tan, his hand was resting on her swollen belly, while she chatted away flipping through the pages of the small book she held in her hands.

"Phoebe!" she squealed, her and the boy looked up at her, Bella spared them a small smile, as Alexia beamed and the boy just stared.

"Hi." She said.

"How was your appointment, their really nice aren't they. I'm so nervous, did they tell you about that gooey stuff, gosh I hate it, it feels so weird." She said at what seemed to be twenty miles per hour, grinning widely.

Bella stood dazed for a moment before answering at a much slower pace, "It was fine, and yes they seem nice." She said simply, turning to leave.

"Well bye!" Alexia called loudly, Bella gave her a small wave before hurrying out of the door, "She seems nice."

The corridor leading out of the maternity ward was depressing to say the least, the amount of tears that were being shed, the amount of angry words thrown between family and doctor, the silence at seemed to penetrate corners.


	12. Under Pressure

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Sorry it's taken so long to update, I had a bad case of writers block, but enjoy :)**

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It was dinner time by the time Bella got back, her hair was beginning to return to it's normal dark shade of brown still had a few red streaks running through it, which despite my best attempts at styling still managed to be noticeable, but only faintly.

Even from outside she could hear the sounds of laughter from the grand hall, the air was cold and the grass was damp it smelt like rain, wildlife and unwashed miscreants the twigs and puddles had caught themselves in the straps of her, and the sleet from the on coming storm made her cheeks flush with coldness.

Bella tugged her bag up higher onto her shoulder moving her way through the filth that were the Hogwarts grounds, the mud made an awkward squishing sound when she stepped through it and the wet grass tickled her feet, the sky was still a sad blue and through the mist she could make out a small figure standing with his face turned towards her, his curly brown hair matted and large frown firmly implanted in his usually calm face.

"Where have you been? And what the hell happened to your hair?" Sirius moved his hand towards the red streak of hair that fell over her ear, she swatted him away and pushed the strand back from his reach and onto the side of her head that was once full of only brown hair.

"Nowhere Sirius." She said attempting to move around him and return back to the safety of the hall where their reputations would once again forbid them from having this conversation.

"Bella given your… situation I don't think running off to go do whatever with Tom Riddle and the other idiotic boys in your house will help anything," she took at deep breath trying to keep her temper in toll, "I just don't think you understand what's really going on… I mean soon you'll be telling the family," she didn't want this conversation to continue but Sirius was like an unstoppable force "Then I mean the school will find out, you can't hide it forever, and most likely your parents will disown you, you'll be broke… and then you'll have to find a way to feed the kid and the medical issues? What happens when it gets sick or when it gets cold, I'm not sure the leaky cauldron will keep you forever… I just don't think…." You know those moments when the worries and fears you know will be true come sprouting out of the mouths of other people, when you know your being cruel and unfair but you just don't care… this may be one of those moments.

"No Sirius you don't think, because maybe if you did you'd realise that I have enough on my plate without having you, of all people lecture me about what the family might think… because unlike you I don't know what it's like to be considered a screw up by my parents, you think your so special because your in Gryffindor but your not… so why don't you just run along to your glory loving, attention hogging little friends and do one." At first she wasn't sure if she had even said those words, or if they were simply a daydream or if Sirius had even heard them, but the look on his face, the one that was flushed red, the small tears that welled up his eyes, the curling of his fist and the contortion that could only be described as pain, anger and misery thrown in one and hung to dry, that took over his face, was enough to tell her that she had crossed the line.

She waited and she waited for him to reply to spit back at her, to yell and shout, to cry maybe, to hit her hard across the face (though a part of her knew he wouldn't), to tell her all the things that she thought about herself, but he didn't he just stood their for awhile his breath coming out in puffs and his eyes shut tightly, and then he left without a word of goodbye, with out a glare or a glance, he just left.

And Bella watched.

She not sure how long she spent standing there with her eyes glued to the small fog that he had disappeared into but the sound of a snapping twig brought her back to her senses.

He stood with his short stump of a bread his half moon spectacles that he had only recently begun wearing and his long brown cloak swooping onto the wet floor as though it was an over grown tree.

"Miss Black I hope you realise that being out on the school grounds at a night like this is frowned upon at Hogwarts school." It was a patronisingly rhetorical question, that Bellatrix did not feel the need to reply to.

He sighed his head lowering ever so slightly and his pools of bright blue eyes landed on her still flat belly.

"Sir are you examining me because if so I think you should no that, that is frowned upon at Hogwarts School," Bella said wrapping her robe tighter around herself, gazing up at the professor, feigning the most vulnerable and uncomfortable look she could muster, hoping that it might affront the professor enough to drop the subject in the hopes the ministry of Magic doesn't find out of about this situation where he would most likely be accused of being a child molester or at the very least some low form of paedophile.

And it worked because the bright Blue eyes became unreadable, and closed off, he stood with his back straight as though the height difference would also be a representation of the social hierarchy, but she didn't care not especially anyway because the fact of the matter was she didn't have the time or the effort to care, not when she had so many more important things to deal with.

So when he inevitably escorted her over towards the detention room which was now being held in Mr Sharpe's room, Bella walked in a welcomed silence keeping a one metre distance between herself and the professor, her mind swirling and her hand gripping the small photograph that hid inside one of the large pockets of her bag.

"Only thirty minutes tonight Miss Black, after your detention you can return back to your dorm." She knew the formality, but didn't not mention it instead she went over towards the seat closest to the window and furthest away from the school's unwashed miscreants who were most likely planning on going into a career that involved them being able to have both hands free, one so they could pick their noses and the other so they could scratch themselves on the head which for some _'must be a nice vacation for their…' _but her thoughts were short lived because of the dark head of hair sitting at the desk of the musky green classroom, their eyes were glued to a ratty little blue book that was clasped in their hands, fingers twitching eagerly on the binding and their ears completely deaf to the on going small talk that smothered the room.

Mr Sharpe's classroom was a like what Bella had often imagined the workings of his mind would look like, the walls were a shaky shade of green which matched the dusty blue of the carpet floor, and on the ceiling hung by frail pieces of thread where letters, they jumped awkwardly around each other, making words like difficulty, community and pressure, only to jumble themselves up once more to create new words, like Wisdom, Mystical, Elements and Power.

While the others drew aimlessly on their arms as the ugly yellow clock that sat untouched in the corner of the room ticked time away, Bellatrix found herself gazing over in his direction, she found her eyes raking over his body, watching each small feature from the pale shade of his skin, to the dark mahogany of his hair, she found her fingers tapping a subconscious rhythm against the dry wood of her school desk, drumming along to each second that passed.

But not once did he look up, not once did his eyes flicker over towards her, or his own fingers twitch to the small beat, no he stayed calm as though he could barely be bothered to acknowledge her existence.

People slowly began to trickle out of the room, talking and muttering to themselves about how much of a waste of time it had been in to sit out the detention, always finding a way to blame someone else, but that was the human thing to do, because everybody lies everybody, wants it to be someone else's fault when bad things happen in their lives.

"The old bat, who does she think she is?" A tall girl, in tightly fitted robes, and a small Hufflepuff badge asked, running her fingers through her head of Ginger hair.

"She's got no life, that's why she does all these things, probably the only thing that makes her existence worth living." A short boy, who's robes scraped against the floor as he walked, his black hair in tuffs.

"There's a word for people like her… sad."

She had heard it all before, so many times in fact that she could probably recite a their whole conversation with half her brain tied behind her back.

"Goodnight Tom." A voice called out from by the doorway before scattering away like a frightened little mouse towards the safety of their dormitories.

Bella took this as her cue to leave, she got up, her blue duffle bag rested on the top of her table, she slipped onto her shoulder, her legs shook for a moment before getting used to the pressure that was being placed against her.

"Night Tom" she couldn't help but let the words fall from her lips, because he was like an unhealthy addiction, it made her feel as though she had drowned a whole bottle of magic juice, or that she was now a pill popping little Blood traitor who had some how gotten their hands on what Muggles would call… Crap.

He looked up, his eyes met her's and for a second, a small moment of time, it was as though everything was fine, as though she was not pregnant, as though she wasn't scared, as though he loved her and she loved him back.

But it was a moment a small second and as usual it was over, and reality took its turn to rear it's ugly head.

The tension in the room felt as though it was suffocating her it was thick and heavy, it was like a fog, or some other type of blanket, cover her senses.

They just stared at each other, not saying a word, it was like we had forgotten how to speak, or as though they didn't even remember what words were, though it may probably seem stupid, they were in a room where words hung from the ceiling, he had a book in his hands, she had read almost every copy of William Shakespeare she could get her hands on (and before you make your judgment Shakespeare was a Wizard, so she wasn't a blood traitor).

He opened his mouth, though no words fell from his lips, or maybe she just didn't hear them, he moved to stand and like a young and mystical ghost he moved towards her, it was as though he was floating, maybe he was…

They just stared at each other, neither having any words to say, in the back of her head she could hear a more rational and determined voice telling her she needed to turn her back to him, that she needed closure.

But it was as though a wall was rising around that part of her head, covering it with the thick blanket that smothered the air and took away her senses.

He stood there his dark eyes scanning over her as she had done moments before to him, taking in her every feature, glancing at her shoes that no doubt seemed very much unlike herself, and from the corner of his eyes it looked as though he was amused.

It had only been a few days, in fact it had been less, and yet here she was feeling herself being pulled back into the tornado that was Tom Marvolo Riddle, she was here watching him, watch her, and she felt as though she could laugh.

Her hands moved themselves forward and the rational voice in the back of her head became a faint whisper, muttering occasionally to deaf ears, she found her fingers trailing his arms and yet he did not move, he simply watched her, watch him and still no words were said.

She found her hands reaching up into his hair, touching his soft locks, she found her feet moving her closer towards him, and her arms wrapping themselves around his neck, and the voice still angry, still mad at her for breaking her own rules, screamed behind the tall muffling words.

His lips twitched into something of a smile and still he did not move, he did not pull her towards him, he didn't speak words of glee, words of hate, or words of triumph, he just watched her.

She leaned up, her lips inches away from his, her eyes staring into his, waiting, only to be returned a reflection of herself, it was odd in a way seeing yourself through someone else's eyes, not knowing what they think when they see this person, she smiled slightly.

And with one quick second crashed her lips down on his, letting her walls tumble down… but he did nothing, he did not kiss her back, in fact for a moment when his hands found their way to her waist she thought it was simply slow reflexes… until he pushed her away, pulling his lips away from her reach, his eyes not showing any emotion what's so ever, his face blank.

He did not speak, instead he strode towards the desk and pulled his blue book back into his pockets before leaving her alone, in the room full of words and awkward letters.

She looked down unsure of what she should do now, she didn't cry, or whimper, she was confused, slightly angry and bitter, and the voice inside her head was now free from the muffling walls and the only word it could say was… Pressure.


	13. Author's Note

Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a while I'm fresh out of Ideas so if you have any please say them, also I honestly don't mean to be one of **_those _**authors but I just wanted to add I'm more motivated when I think people are actually reading the story and have a view or opinion about it...so if you haven't already please Review it makes my day and it gives me ideas, I try my hardest to put my Reviewers ideas into the story one of the big story lines was actually given to me by a reviewer...so if you have the time and don't mind please drop in an idea I **promise** it'll make me write a lot faster.

~**Seven Secrets**


	14. Dance, Wishes and Harts

**A/N: Ok people I am so sorry! I had written another chapter around march, but the computer I was writing it on wouldn't work so I was quite frustrated and had trouble remembering what I wrote, but after seeing your reviews and things I tried my best to remember and forced myself to do this, I have not given up on this story and thankyou to everyone who's stuck with it :) it means a lot. I hope you like it and I'm sorry it's so short compared to others, I will update soon! **

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It's hard trying to think back to a time where my life was not cantered around the marvellous Tom Riddle, but I can, if I close my eyes tightly and think way back before the scars and the heart ache and all of the pain that came along with him and what seemed like a dazzling show of love and other addictive emotions, I can remember that time, when all that was important to me was blood status and dresses and hair.

In some ways I'm not sure whether I should pity my former self or envy her, on one had she was completely oblivious to the problems surrounding her that didn't fit into her little bubble but, on the other hand, she was happy she was content with the way things were and as they say Ignorance Is Bliss, at least for me it was back then.

I glanced down at my black dress and winced slightly as my mother zipped it up with quick force locking whatever that didn't quiet seem to fit into its folds and pushing it into an awkward position, I forced a smile though and gently rested by hands on the now noticeable small bump on my stomach, and let out a shaky breath, I wasn't sure if this party was such a good idea but for pretences sake I put on a bright smile.

I smiled through it all even as my hair was yanked back out of my face and pulled into a tight bun, I smiled even as my mother criticised me and my flaws because that was what a good daughter should be doing, that was what the old Bella whose life was not centred around Tom Riddle would be doing, so for tonight I would be the old Bella, I would smile even when I was in pain and I would not complain, I would judge and mock and criticise other's just to take the heat off of my own flaws because that is what the old Bella would have done.

"You look lovely." Cissy piped up from the stool she was perched on in the corner of the room and as far away from any products that could go onto my dress or face as possible, I smiled at her reflection in the mirror.

"I know she does Darling." My mother said smiling before I could answer, it seemed that for her there was a pecking order in our home, in the public's eyes I would be the most favoured because I was eldest, and acted as though my life and family were all around perfect, but that wasn't really how things went, because my little sister had always been favoured over Nimhadora and I since the moment she first opened those sparkly blue eyes of her's.

I know she can't help how cute she is, and even though I do adore my little sister I have to resent her at the same time for all of her easy accomplishments, because while I strive and struggle for my parents affection, –Dora had given up long ago when she realised our family's view on Muggle borns- Cissy always had it given, she didn't have to do anything and they'd still be able to find more perfections in her then they could find flaws in the world.

"I wish I could go to the ball..." she mumbled glancing down at her bare feet, she had dipped into my mother's special box –of course she hadn't gotten punished for it- and helped herself to the large collection of nail vanish and because she had always had trouble making up decisions her toes now looked like the love children of a rainbow and a candy floss sheep.

"You will one day dear, and when you do I suspect all of them boys would want to dance with you, your father would have to beat them off with his broomstick," my mother answered softly, in a tone that of course was rarely used on me and was never used on Dora, unless of course we had company then it was free for all.

"Really do you think so? Oh Mummy please say that I can go with you and Bella tonight? Please?" she pleaded, she was going to Hogwarts this September meaning she was already 11 and should most likely say less mummy's if she wanted me to help her, which of course I would because she was my sister after all, and I suppose I'd help Dora too although she was already supposed to go to Hogwarts this year but she had begged and pleaded to go to Beauxtons Academy, which is where she's been hiding out for the last year at least that's what my mother.

"You'll just have to wait your turn like the rest of us did Cissy." I said before my Mother had a chance to give her two cents, she gave me a look before squeezing my cheeks in order to give them 'a natural blush' she said, although I think it was more of an attempt to let out her anger then anything because I'm pretty sure that by tomorrow my cheeks will be doing more than just blushing they'd be red, blue and black, maybe even a hint of green just to be patriotic.

I stood up on shaky legs and made my way to the door as my mother ushered by sister out of the room and into her own one, I remembered how in past years my sisters would sneak into my room and half way through the party we would all sneak onto the banister and watch the guests because our parents would have had a good few drinks in them to at least loosen them up, and would have been souly focused on mingling, and I wondered if tonight Dora and Cissy would be crouching down at the top of the banister peering down at us through the gaps in the wooden railing of the top floor staircase and dancing around lightly with one another imaging themselves down there on the dance floor drinking smuggled bottles of orange juice that Lulu our most favoured house elf –even though we would never tell her that- would sneak up to us.

I spared Cissy a glance before pulling on my black cloak on over my dress and holding my head up high as the House Elves took their cue to open the door letting through the first group of guests, I let a light smile grace my lips and walked with my head held high and my mind fully concentrating on not falling over in the heels I had been given for this evening, which pinched my toes so badly I thought I might actually begin to cry.

"Welcome to our home, I'm so glad you could make it." I said smiling as I said the first of many greetings of the evening and brightened my smile a I shook their hands before a house elf led them through the tall wooden arched doors leading to out Ball room.

* * *

I wasn't sure what time it was once I had gotten through enough of the guests to be deemed respectable and was finally allowed into the actual party but by the look of the bright moon light that danced through the windows and reflected across the dance floor, I guessed it was late, the room was alive with the buzzing sound of chatter, through the crowd I could make out the jet black heads of my mother and father, it was amazing the midwives had said to my mother on the day of Cissy's birth, how two dark haired parents could give birth to such a light haired little baby girl, back then Cissy's blonde hair was called 'The Halo' at least that's what Dora and I had nicknamed her, before she could talk and Dora became so alienated from the rest of us.

I slipped off my cloak and thrust it into the hands of some unknown house elf before gliding soundlessly through the thickness of the crowd, I smiled all the way towards the shiny refreshments table which was centred around a dazzlingly bright fountain red fountain, I could barely make out what was the alcohol and what was the water, I eventually had to end up sniffing a few bottles, in the classiest way possible of course because I was still in my family's presence and I didn't want to 'Disgrace the family' –In the words of my darling father- just yet.

"Bella!" I smiled slightly turning around to look at the owner of the voice, she smiled brightly at me in her white dress, her long black hair was down and her voice was relaxed as though she had been able to slip a few drops of whatever alcohol they had into her 'pumpkin juice'.

"Hey Mel." I smiled putting down the bottle of fire whiskey and carefully manoeuvring myself into a position that blocked it off to others, I pushed a loose strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear as my best friend looked at me with a hesitant expression, "Is something wrong?" I asked, my free hand subconsciously moving towards my growing stomach but with great restraint I clenched the hand into a fist at my side.

"No...It's just a lovely party or ball as my mum's been drilling into me during the whole time we spent getting ready to come here." She said giving me an uneasy smile, if it were anyone else I would have simply either ignored them or thought they were lying, but Mel was a reasonably open person –one of the reasons we were even friends- so it was strange seeing her like this.

"Yep my parent's really know how to throw one of these gatherings..." I said glancing towards the exposed moonlight that flickered through an open curtain before turning back to face Mel, "Is something wrong?" oh course something was wrong, by now we would usually be holding back laughter and pointing out how ridiculous some of the people around here were, she shook her head in reply.

"I...I'll talk to you about it later Bella, at the Christmas dinner." She said turning her back to me before disappearing quickly into the name less faces of the crowd before I could even get a chance to speak to her.

I let out a sigh, not entirely sure whether it was one of annoyance or relief, turning back towards the whiskey bottle and raising it up before pouring the orange liquid into a cup before turning towards the water, "Bella my dear!" a loud and booming voice said as a large hand clamped down on my shoulder jogging me, I shook before turning to face the owner letting my hand knock over the fire whiskey drink.

"Father!" I said feigning happiness, my dad was a tall man, with jet black hair he kept trimmed neat, his dark eyes had a tendency to smile far more than his actual lips would pull up into a sincere one, he was never really one for much emotion often leaving the dinner table to head to his study, of course leaving time to dote on dear Cissy, but he was always there when he was needed and during public –or higher upper-class public- occasions such as tonight he would be the life and soul of the party.

His lips pulled up into a broad grin before he turned to face his so called friends whom he had invited with him today, I smiled slightly at each other them, "Bellatrix these are some important colleges of mine, this is Ryan Hart, I believe you and his daughter Melissa are school chums." He said, the look in his eyes warning me to at least pretend to be on good terms with his daughter, I merely nodded unable to let the words out unless it was through gritted teeth.

"Oh that's wonderful, nice to meet you Bella," Ryan said as he took his hand in mine, his hand was sweaty and damp, his eyes a murky shade of hazel and his black hair greased and sleeked far back exposing his rather large forehead, he gave me a toothy grin.

"Nice to meet you too Mr Hart."

"Oh dear, call me Ryan," he said licking his teeth sending a shudder through me before I turned to the other men in the circle, most of which were pretty decent which was a relief but feeling the steady gaze of Ryan Hart burning holes into my back made me inwardly cringe.

"Well Bella have you seen your mother?" My father asked as his eyes scanned the room, I shook my head and with a mumbled goodbye he and his army of strangers were off again, I sighed leaning back against the hard table and letting my head bow slightly feeling the heat of the room taking over my senses, I closed my eyes nodding my head slightly to the beat of the music as people walked past me stopping to ask if I was alright before twirling off onto the dance floor again.

"Is there a particular reason for you standing here like this?" A familiar voice asked, I opened one eye feeling a smile begin to spread across my lips as Lucius grinned sheepishly down at me, "Only I hear your a rather great dancer." He said extending his hand towards me; I took hold of it feeling the coldness of my own warm up in his warmness.

His smile brightened as he led me onto the glittering dance floor, the colour of his face changing from its original light peach to green, then blue, followed shortly by all the other colours of the rainbow, "So which dancing girl am I?" I asked slipping my arms around his neck and giving him a small smile as we moved to the beat of the music that I could feel vibrating against the floor boards through to my feet.

"I think your number 5." He said his tone teasingly sweet before he twirled me and pulled me back towards me, I inwardly shivered feeling his hands snake their way around my waist, it wasn't quite the same as the feeling I got when Tom did it but it was satisfying to be held in such a warm way.

I laughed quietly, "Really? And who was the first?" I questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Hmmm, I don't remember her name." Lucius replied before he moved quicker as the tempo of the music increased, it was a medley of hip swaying, twirling, closeness and eye contact, his eyes were trained to mine as we moved almost seamlessly in sync, because it was so easy to guess what his next move would be.

By the time the dance came to an end we were standing chest to chest and staring at one another, and I noticed how soft his expression was, the blue sun shines that surrounded his pupil shone brighter now and the silverness of his iris was as smooth and careful as silk, the curve of his lips as he kept his eyes trained on mine as if he was able to see something in me that I other why's had no knowledge of existing.

After a few moments of these thoughts spiralling around my mind, I noticed he was moving forward his lips inches from mine before I pulled swiftly away from him leaning back on my heels, "I erm...I think the balls almost over, I have to see guests out." I muttered and hastily made my way through the high arched doors, it was hard to concentrate on where exactly I was going the floor was covered in glitter and the lights reflected off of dancers as they twirled around me loudly, the sound of laughter carrying around the room.

I blinked repeatedly before moving quickly towards the general direction of what I thought was the door before sighing in relief as my hand touched the shoulder of a ragged clothed house elf, even though it's wrinkled skin made me inwardly shiver as it knowing lead me towards the door.

* * *

"How was it?" A perky voice asked as my mattress groaned as Cissy jumped onto the bed, I sighed before moving to the side in order to make room for her, "Was it amazing? Did you dance with anyone? How did everyone look? Was anyone ugly?" she questioned before climbing under the covers with me and snuggling close.

I smiled slightly and lifted my arms before resting my head on the as I looked up at my star covered ceiling before shrugging my shoulders, "It was alright..." I said and glanced at her disappointed expression before continuing, "I mean, there was glitter all over the floor, and some really well dressed people I'm pretty sure dad was drunk or something, what with the odd friends he made me meet." I said frowning slightly at the memory of the Ryan Hart.

"Wow...I can't wait until I get to go..." she said yawning.

"Did you stay up all night just to ask me how the ball was?" I asked looking at her as she blushed slightly brushing her blonde hair out of her face before she answered me.

"Well of course I did, I had to know if you had fun or not, thought it would be very weird if you did...Dora stayed up too but she didn't want to come in, she went to go _read_." Cissy said spitting out the final word in her sentence, her forehead creased into a frown.

"Maybe you should go read." I said feeling my eye lids get heavier, I laughed seeing her confused expression as she shook her head frantically.

"No way! Why would anyone what to read for fun? I'm not stupid I know we need to be able to read, but why on earth would I spend my time sitting in my room like some sort of earwig, reading all day long when there are so many other important things I could be doing?" Cissy asked as she crossed her arms over her almost completely undeveloped chest.

I shrugged my shoulders and nodded silently as another bundle of questions began to pour from my little sister's mouth, by the time she was only able to utter a yawn, the tiredness that had previously felt over whelming to me had all but disappeared, but there she was snoring quietly curled up in a ball content in her sweet little dreams and I could feel another tidal wave of resentment wash over me at the fact that someone as perfect as Cissy would obviously have such sweet little dreams whilst I the dark one, who was all but losing her mind with the crushing volume of the thoughts that moved around her mind.

I slipped out of the duvet and was about to make my way down the stairs when the sound of a quiet scream drifted into my ears, sticking out with the almost silence of the room, I felt a small smile slip over my previously irritated features before slipping out of my room and rushing down the cold wooden stair case, not bothering to grab a cloak, my light nightdress swishing against my knees as I peered through a leading towards the large forest of a back garden, and waited to hear the sound again. Nothing.

After 15 more minutes I was all but ready to give up when a loud crashing sound boomed through the area sending up a flock of birds from the warmth of their nests, I grinned due to my own sick love of mysteries before opening the door and slipping out into the coldness of the outdoors, shivering as my bare feet touched the wet grass before I began running towards the thickness of the trees, ignoring the shuffling sound I heard around me and using the brightness of the moonlight as my torch, I frowned to myself at the loss of my wand in my pocket less dress.

It was at the edge of the forest that I stopped, and listened quietly for another direction of the noises, the sound of my breathing too loud for the deafening silence of the forest, I crouched down and ran my fingers through the grass before I stood up and held back a scream as something slithered across my foot weaving in and out around my ankles before a large hand clamped down on my mouth.

My eyes widened and I bit down hard, until the metallic taste of blood flooded my taste buds, the owner of the hand yelped and shoved me to the ground, I turned quickly and stared up at a sliver and almost liquid looking face, it was cloaked in black and it's eyes were a bright and unnerving shade of red, it raised its wand to me and I held my breath closing my eyes.

**A/N: I'd like to thank you all for reading and I hope you review as well! I will update as soon as I can, I haven't given up or abandoned this story and will try to write the next chapter as soon as possible!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**


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